|Reviews for Daddy My Hero: Hear My Call|
| EncouragingWord 10/13/12 . chapter 1
Ha. If I had to chose between watching the real scene and reading this (I watched the movie - several times over) I would choose to read this.
| high.fiving.jesus 6/18/12 . chapter 1
I'm just going to start with the basics. Grammar and spelling hit the mark pretty much every time; I didn't really notice a single error. So that's the boring stuff out of the way; grammar is never the biggest factor in an author's works. Stylistic analysis is my favorite.
At the start of the piece you rolled off casual conversation between the dolls. Not identifying which doll said what is generally a good thing for a few reasons. One: nobody really cares which doll sputtered what. Two: Lack of identification acknowledges that they're inanimate objects and are therefore unimportant in the plot. (If you were writing about schizophrenic people, then it would matter, but in this case it doesn't.) It signifies that Ava is just going through the motions, but she's still enjoying herself.
Ava's age-group is definitive due to the fact that you left the gun shots anonymous-they were only loud pops that needed to be inspected. Always by identifying the strangers as "bad men" and "Mr. Big-Guy/Mr. Gun" gave a sense of innocence. Awesome.
Syntax was a major player in this piece- ex. "I screamed." or "I was safe." No lengthy explanation necessary; in a little girl's mind, what happened just happened. She didn't have to dwell on it.
Her mind was on a sort of loop with the "I was safe. And he was safe. And that meant that I was safe." which is common in a young mind. (When I read that I immediately thought of the loop "I know you. You know you. And I know that you know that I know you.")
Overall, I'd say it was an extremely in-character piece that employed youthfulness and style. My only real suggestion would be to try and pay a little more attention to detail-unless you left out the meaty details to show that everything was happening so fast. In which case, this was perfect!
I know that was a lot to read, but that's generally how my reviews go and you deserved it. So. :)
-High fiving Jesus