I think it's pretty good. :D My only problem is when you said: One securely raped in left arm and the other one in the right... You said raped instead of wrapped. XD It's just a little on the awkward side. Other than that, me like. *thumbs up*

Hey, Star. XD This is coming along nicely, I think. I've... uh... never played this version. XD

I only had a problem with this sentence, "His dark skin and short curly dark hair make him smile so bright and inviting."

Make 'his' smile, or make him smile- so bright and inviting... I dunno. *shrug* Good job so far!