|Reviews for Warped Reflections|
| OyashiroMetaKnight 9/3/12 . chapter 10
Yay! Chapter 10!
And Nightmare is still alive?
| AlphaRidley 9/2/12 . chapter 10
More MK pov plz, less of the others pov. XD
| marshchoco 9/2/12 . chapter 10
lol no more emo blade xd ok good story :]
| 1089SP 8/22/12 . chapter 9
awesome story you got here.
i love these knights XD blade and sword are there own person. )
| OyashiroMetaKnight 8/15/12 . chapter 9
Awesome! It's so AWESOME! :D
| OyashiroMetaKnight 8/12/12 . chapter 8
This... is... so... AWESOME! I love it! Sword and Blade are awesome, I like Sword and Blade fan fictions!
| Cosmicgiraffe 8/12/12 . chapter 2
I probably should have asked sooner, but how much do you want me to look at? I think the little list of common errors you made in the first chapter cover what I've seen here. (And the good news is that the errors are consistent. That means you're careful about the types of errors that you know and not making lazy mistakes)
Just because I noticed it, a rant's like when you're raging about how Sword and Blade are the most awesome characters but no one else thinks so. It's for strong opinions.
Paragraph 1: (I tend to look at first and last paragraphs the most. Just to let you know) I will capitalize the corrections. (I wish reviews could use bold or italicized text. It'd be a little easier to point out certain things). -_-
"Free OF that fat king WHO had no right to be on his throne..." I think you should add even more to this. It's an awesome opening to Meta Knight's viewpoint and I think it will only grab more attention: add something to elaborate about why Dedede doesn't deserve to be king. Meta Knight hates Dedede for his idiocy to order demonbeasts.
"... free from Kirby and the burden..." I understand what you meant, but it still sounds like Meta Knight hates Kirby. Maybe "free from hiding the truth from those I cared most for" because it implies Kirby, Sword, Blade, maybe even Fumu... (I would also suggest to rearrange this sentence to go after the Cappy one because it's a lot more personal and strong with emotion).
"... calmness PERIOD Free." I think that breaking that last 'free' into a sentence of its own would make into a nice resolution (also not feel redundant)
"The castle and all of its rules COMMA regulations COMMA and setbacks WERE a distant memory." Besides that, there really aren't that many 'rules' that Meta Knight is forced to follow. He's kind of lazy, lol. Maybe "The castle and all of my wasted years there were a distant memory."
"With the daylight approaching COMMA I decided to land for now in a small clearly in WHISPY Woods."
How soon do you want to mention his wings? Because you didn't mention much more at this point about flying or possibly being a demonbeast, whatever Meta Knight's trying to hide, it seems a little odd. At the end of this paragraph, I think you should mention something a bit more, maybe him feeling guilty for not being able to tell Sword and Blade about the wings or something.
"... in my stomach like a TWO-TON weight..." (Apparently, there's not even a strict rule about dashes. There's words that just have to have them in. Kind of weird, don't worry about it)
"There was no going back now, not after what I had done; there was no going back now, that door was closed." Delete the second 'there was no going back'. I see that you were trying to make that point even stronger, but here, it sounds a bit redundant. I think that's just more of my opinion though.
I want to say it now that this chapter opening is excellent. From chapter 1, readers are expecting answers, but you haven't quite given it to them yet.
"I sighed at the memories of MY knaves SEMI COLON they were irritating, loud, and DELETE RATHER rowdy COMMA but I had..." I think you should mention what some of these memories were. That would make the word 'bond' even stronger in the paragraph if readers can see Meta Knight going through happy and tough times with the two.
- PAGE BREAK - (There's an icon on FFN's Document Manager that looks like a line. If you upload it from Word with page breaks, it doesn't keep them).
"... our lord sabotaged the demon beast transport on PURPOSE. (Typo. You have an extra 'u' in purpose)
"... this is a level SEVEN treason!" It's better to type out the numbers in words.
"Dedede COMMA OR EXCLAMATION MARK What have you done with Kirby QUESTION MARK"
"... was PERIOD Fumu called them..."
"... like statues SEMI COLON the world DELETE 'HAD' kept moving COMMA but he ADD 'AND I WERE' (delete 'had been')... space COMMA unable to even move."
Every time you have dialogue, break it apart from the paragraph. Dialogue gets its own line.
Did I review part of this from the last chapter? I feel like I've read this... I must have cheated and read ahead. Sorry. ;
One thing that I noticed is that while in Blade's view, you have her italicized thoughts, but in Meta Knight's view, you don't. If you make a new thought or change one of the ones already in the chapter into an italicized thought, it would balance it out and make Meta Knight's view even more interesting.
The things that I pointed out to delete are part of the 'strong' writing concept. Basically, you want the character doing something, not 'going to' or 'about to', etc. It's stronger to not rely on adverbs.
You could have answered all of our questions about Meta Knight's plans and what's going on, but you didn't, and instead posed the question about Kirby, which is why this story only gets better. You've stayed true to Meta Knight's personality: he hasn't revealed anything yet, even in his own point of view.
Sword and Blade are having to deal with the thought that Meta Knight didn't want them and instead took Kirby with him. Ouch. That hurts, especially when they're so loyal to him and have been with him for so long.
Whoa! Kirby's missing? And we know from Meta Knight's view that Kirby is not with him... 0_0
Anyway, please specify how much you want me to beta read. I'm perfectly fine with whatever you'd like. I could just point out new errors like the two-ton one, for example in this chapter.
| Guest 8/6/12 . chapter 8
oh Blade really is screwed.
btw I didn't know Meta Knight could yell and swear. He was always the cool one in the anime.
-Kirby and Pie
| Ryuu no Yume 8/5/12 . chapter 8
Cliffhanger! NO! Please update soon!
| Cosmicgiraffe 7/14/12 . chapter 1
Typing isn't very easy on a phone. 0_0
Sorry for the long wait. Haven't had the chance to sit down and read. I'm going to start beta-reading and hopefully you're fine with the way I'm doing it.
To start, I love those short quotes about the chapter title. I noticed chapter 4 didn't have one though but I think it makes a very simplistic title into something much fuller. Actually, I really love it.
Some common punctuation errors:
(Don't worry too much now because it will improve the more you read. Continue to write and it will improve.)
- Excess use of commas in some parts, lacking others. You probably just need a quick glance at a grammar book. Don't forget semicolons either! They can help with some sentence variation.
- "Quote." Speaker said, short description. "Quote.". I get confused about these a lot too. I think both quotes are supposed to be full sentences enclosed with periods, not commas.
- 2 adjectives need a comma in between
- Comma before conjunctions
Couple of other things:
- Everyone refers to Meta Knight as 'Sir' Meta Knight
- Page breaks would be nice to separate the author notes from the story. It's a little sudden without it.
Now to talk about the story:
1st person was an excellent choice for this story for how important thought and feeling was for the first chapter. I was especially intrigued to see the story from Blade's view in this chapter and we see the after effects of what Meta Knight did to those he left behind. Plus, I'm interested in how Blade is the apparent cause of some foreshadowed disaster. Certainly a giant step away from what a lot of other fan writers would do. I'd expect an entire focus on just Meta Knight, little of anything else. Sword and Blade both make a very strong viewpoint for their loyalty and trust for Meta Knight. Definitely throw emphasis into it since it's the main focus. 1st person view is great for strong emotions like that and I really love what you've done with it so far.
Wouldn't the destroyed delivery system be one of the first things Blade would have noticed?
'... He slowly lowered the gaging Escargoon...' 'gagging is spelt with two g's.
'... LET THIS HAPPEN'
Love how Meta Knight finally went ahead and destroyed the delivery system. Almost like he's fed up with it all. XD
| Ryuu no Yume 7/13/12 . chapter 6
Can't wait for the next chapter about Sword and Blade! Update soon!
| NyanKisa44 7/9/12 . chapter 5
this story is going great! and it's alright if you have a little bit of reviews, you should continue!
| Ryuu no Yume 7/9/12 . chapter 5
Liked the beginning part! And you're right, we don't really know how old Swrd and Blade are. Anyways, pretty nice chapter! Update soon!
| kila876 6/27/12 . chapter 3
I love this can u plz keep going
| blueninja 6/24/12 . chapter 3
Incredibly well-written; I can't wait for more chapters! Blade's attitude reminds me of Max in the Maximum Ride books (By James Patterson, if you haven't read them and want to look into it.)