hey animeaddict.
this story has a lot of potential. for a first fanfic i give you props at the great story idea. however, the way you have your paragraphs written is too confusing to understand the way you want them too. break apart dialogue into new paragraphs with a spacing of 2.0 and people will be able to read it easier.
the POV is very interesting, but if i may make a suggestion, stick with 3rd person. then you can get inside each characters head, without having to constantly switch back and forth.
this is looking like it could be really good.
-Kate

I like the plot but you need to put in periods so we can see the end of a sentence. Also I can't see who's talking.

how in the name of cupcakes just lol

I love all your stories!...especially the newest one in which i have gave you some ideeas...

i loved it!

nice

I really like your stories...this one is nice...i ...i read all the story last night and now i read it again...love it! I understand your effort and i am so grateful! I hope tout willy continue like this!

I never read it, I'm just bored.

i was dying laughing when that lady called her mother to tell her she was getting married to usui

omg she wiped her tears on usui's shirt wouldnt that look weird for him

thank you shizuko and sakura for learning their plan NOW YOU CAN GO TELL USUI AND MISAKI THEIR PLAN TO BREAK THEM UP MAYBE USUI AND MISAKI CAN PRETEND THEY BROKE UP SO HINATA AND THOSE 2 GIRLS THINK THAT THEIR PLAN WORKS

SINCE I KNOW WHAT THOSE TWO ARE UP TO I WILL STOP THEM FROM BREAKING USUI AND MISAKI UP I DONT CARE ABOUT MISAKI BUT IF THEY HURT MY USUI'S HEART THEY WILL PAY WHA HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

The comment below me is supposed to be me anonymous I forgot to write it down..

The comment below me is suppose to be me anonymous I forgot to write down my name gomen...

The comment below me is supposed to be me anonymous I foregut to rite down my name sooo yea..