Great start! Great story! I have a few suggestions on grammar an such. You tend to switch between past tense and present tense a lot. The first thing my English teacher taught me is that you always use just one. (Excluding the sentences in "s) It helps keep the readers thoughts focused and such. And a small detail; me and Donnie, it should be Donnie and I. I hope you found this helpful. And please! Keep writing! I want to know how this ends.