|Reviews for Teen Lantern: First Outing|
| Syrias 12/1/12 . chapter 9
Nicely done new chapter. Just a bit short for my taste :-)
Cant wait to read the next one.
| BF110C4 12/1/12 . chapter 9
I like the way Sister Sercy is a little disappointed... no that's not the word, weirded? confused, yes confused with Karen's tentative induction to the Blue Lantern Corps. I bet that she would be even more amazed if she knew that Karen has been visited by Adara which I suppose is not that common.
The fact that as always Saint Walker is struggling to start one more tradition to the Blue Lantern Corps such as the Book of Odym brings a snile to my face. It is useful to remember us the fact that he is part of the youngest, smallest and less experienced of the Corps, but he does try and try and try until he mamage something... even if he doesn't understand exactly what he did.
On the other hand I wonder if Kilowok is going to be amused by Warth stealing his trademarked phrase.
| zeno518 12/1/12 . chapter 9
| Syrias 11/30/12 . chapter 8
| Guest 10/31/12 . chapter 8
The new chapter is really well written, even if its not about the main character. A few spelling errors i guess but nothing to bad.
Do i smell "bad guy for future use" here?
I really hope you find time to get more chapters out here soon.
| Hope 10/29/12 . chapter 7
Wow. Wow. And wow. Did I say wow already? Wow. Incredible. MAH FEELS!
| BF110C4 9/23/12 . chapter 7
Excellent battle, Karen just demonstrated why did the ring chose her. It is hard to choose others lives over your own in the heat of battle. It's harder to do so when yo got a little time to think. And the last part about hope was perfectly delivered.
I can't wait to see her next adventure.
| Syrias 9/23/12 . chapter 7
MOoooooooooooooooooooore of this, please.
Interesting thing with superman and him not knowing the kryptonian alphabet and such. Or maybe he is Connor Kent all grown up? We will see i guess.
Also, she should have replied with "no youre a good kitty, dex!" to dex-starr claiming hes a bad kitty. Hed probably like that.
Anyway... Hope the next part comes soon
| Syrias 9/17/12 . chapter 6
A really nice read so far. I hope you continue this.
| BF110C4 9/1/12 . chapter 3
Nice prelude to Karen finding about the other Corps in the galaxy first hand, especially since you didn't took the easy route of getting Earth's closer Green Lantern, but you chose the one lantern that could either be her newest and most dangerous enemy (Dexter is a mean cat) or a new pet.
I would suggest that you go to your previous two chapters and divide your paragraphs into smaller ones, such big blocks of text can make reading the material a little too difficult; on the other hand, the paragraphs in this chapter are quite readable and should be your new standard.
Great work, very original and well paced.
| Randamwriter 8/29/12 . chapter 1
i enjoyed readthis i found it to be an excellent find and wonder just how are you going to move on with this story. also are you gonna to put a green lantern in here or not?
| thompsongunner91 8/26/12 . chapter 3
Space-kitty spies with his little eye someone...Indigo! Sweet! This chapter was awesome, Bling. I'm looking forward to the next one. Nothing to say in the way of corrections. This one looks great. I'm curious now to know, though, who this Indigo Tribesman is. *grins* Guess I'll have to work on updating my own stories to tide myself over until you write the next chapter.
| thompsongunner91 8/1/12 . chapter 2
Okay, most of the story is good. Some of it had me laughing hard. I love the guitar scene in chapter one. That was two levels of win. Your voice and description are also great. I do have a few gripes, though.
When people are speaking in a story and it changes from one speaker to another, say, Saint Walker saying something and then Calvin speaking, a new paragraph should be started, even if they only say one little tiny sentence. It's an unnecessary strain on the reader to have to figure out what's going on if you just go from the end of one speaker to the beginning of another. It also makes the paragraphs overly long.
Now to the characters. First question: Is Bolphagus a Red Lantern that he can sense someone's rage? My brain was going from him either being a Red Lantern, just saying that to try to psych Karen out in the "we're not so different, you and I" category of taunts, or him deciding to suddenly channel the Dark Lord of the Sith for a minute.
Second: What's going on with Warth and Saint Walker? The first knock out was valid; Bol snuck up on them both. The second one I'll also hand out as Walker was being held off the ground by the throat. Not much you can do to avoid a punch to the face that way. But the third one? Really? Just forearm to the faces? With Walker being the guy who ducks and weaves like Ali and Warth, in Earth terms, a bipedal Asian elephant?
Pausing a minute to look at that scene on the spaceship: It may just be me and my experience with friends who do battle reenactments, but no one would ever leave their weapons uncleaned like that if they were a mercenary for hire. You cannot fight or kill efficiently with dull, rusted weaponry. The first job of any warrior is to tend to his equipment. Likewise with the rusted chains. I can see it maybe if the ship hadn't been used in some time and he was just grabbing it to hold them temporarily, but he lives there, or so it sounded. Yeah, sure, his bathroom may look like it's repository for the Earth's nuclear waste, but, again, mercenary is part of his job description. Clean, repair, resharpen.
Another question: ...Did Warth download Google Translate 11.0 into his brain? How is he able to speak Astonian without the ring?
Back to the characters: Saint Walker, Warth, what's going on with them? Admittedly, I don't know much about Warth as I do about Walker, but he seems like he'd be a pretty chill dude to be the more-or-less lieutenant of the Blue Lantern Corps. Why's he freaked about the Star Sapphire Corps' get-ups? (More on that shortly).
"Sometimes I forget about them with everything I do." Bro'Dee Walker, did they slip something in your tea, or what do you mean by saying this? Did he mean that he sometimes doesn't think about them when he's on a mission or five? Yeah, I can see that. If he's got pressing matters to attend to, yeah, I can see that, if he's keeping a city from being blown up by a crazed Hal or something. But he would not forget them completely. Not entirely. Not at all. He lost his entire family. Slowly. Over days. It took three days for his son to die. And, as was pointed out in the dialogue, he more than likely blames himself five days from Doomsday for it and probably does fear doing the same thing to his comrades. It won't be completely forgotten. Ever. It's going to be a niggling little thing in the back of his mind; it's why, as said in the dialogue, he does what he does for the Blue Lanterns.
Back to the Star Sapphire thong-suit thing: Why's everybody freaking out? The kids are in high school, right? They have access to the Internet. They've probably seen worse (God knows I've seen things I'll never unsee on this wonderful piece of tech). I assume Warth is an adult and that he just chose to go upstairs with the kids instead of being banished to the room with them. Why is he all "Shield your eyes, people" if he's seen the Violet Corps' duds before and knows that most of them are next to nothing? He may not agree with it, yeah, okay, but he's not being asked to don a pink Speedo by the Love wielders. And, just like Karen eventually figured out, the Star Sapphires can, just like any other Corps, change their clothing design at any time they want.
As to the fetish/bondage/sexual aspect of the clothing, the "perverseness" of it...well, that's based on your point of view. Some people look at the Star Sapphires and go "hothothothothothothot" (which is by and large their intention with that clothing) and some just want to hold out a jacket and say "Hey, babe, you look kinda cold." Personally, I look at that and go "Hi, breasts!" and move on.
There's also a strategic value to this type of clothing. All the Corps tend to get into battles, though, and mobility is key. Less clothing has been show to increase this and maneuverability. This is why beach volleyball players, to site the example of the Olympics currently going on, usually wear custom made bikinis. They need to move quickly and easily, which is hard enough on sand and even harder still when you have to deal with the friction of layers of clothing. To use a classic example, the Celts were said to charge into battle completely naked. This gave them the bonus points of invoking terror into armored opponents-how crazy would you have to be to run sky-clad at a line of shields, spears, and cuirasses? The same might apply to some of the opponents of the Star Sapphires, and sometimes they do seem like a bunch of blood-thirsty crazy space-women while dressed in pink-violet dental-floss-thin leather and slaughtering the villains of the week alongside the Greens and Blues.
As to the specific structure of Karen's suit that the ring gave her from the Star Sapphires, I spy Fatality the former Lantern hunter. Famous female huntress of Lanterns turned Star Sapphire? No wonder Walker programmed that into the ring. She and her costume were probably some of the first things that came to mind for him when he thought "current female member of a Corp's clothing."
I'll stop pestering you now. :3 Just a few points I thought I might mention. I'm actually looking forward to your next chapter. There's some potential with this story being on the good side of fics I've read.
| zeno518 7/7/12 . chapter 2
Hey is there going to be other young lanterns? This fic is badass by the way. The fact that Teen Lantern's identity is not secret whatsoever is a nice touch