|Reviews for You brought this on yourself|
| Lorina Dante 6/27/12 . chapter 1
Dude, this was great! :D
I love small one shots like this, and the way you wrote Nicholson was really fun. That's pretty much what I imagined when we were talking about him; the way he kept trying to get Jack to talk, losing patience but hiding it before anyone could notice was great. I loved how he clearly had no idea how to interract with Jack and manipulate him; trying to use tricks that would work on regular people but have no effect on Jack at all. The ending in particular was pretty good, I loved the contrast between Nicholson (the way he doesn't really care about Jack, since for him it's nothing more than business) and Jack (he doesn't seem to care, but the way I read it, it's mostly because he's confused about the situation, maybe?)
Little Jack was the best though; he seemed to have just the best balance between being a TOTAL WOOBIE and a creepy frightened child. His reactions to Nicholson in general were a lot of fun to read; the way he kept going back and forth between being curious, enthousiast and very distant. And he was so happy to talk about his inventions, it was adorable :D (well, except for hum... that part where that poor girl died, I guess.) That small part about the way he moves his hands when he's talking about his ideas was fun; it's something we don't really see him do all that much in the movie, but I always imagined him doing it!
(I admit, I snorted at this line: "'I tried to make one but it didn't fly right.' Dante paused, and then reported, matter-of-factly, 'It did blow up though.'" :D It just works to well for him, I read it in his voice and it's perfect)
That last line about him being alone is pretty sad though :( Poor little guy.
I can't really give any criticism; I'm a terrible writer myself anyway so that wouldn't be fair, but there is one tiny detail I keep noticing in a lot of fanfics and maybe you could pay attention to? I don't know, maybe it's just me; I've never seen anyone else complaining about that anywhere else... It's about the names in the narration; you kept switching between "Bob" and "Nicholson". Of course it's not confusing or anything, but personnally I'd just pick one and stick to it. But hey, I'm probably the last person who should be giving writing advice to anyone, so feel free to ignore that :)
ANYWAY. THIS WAS GOOD, AND YOU SHOULD FEEL GOOD FOR WRITING IT. :D I hope you'll find the inspiration to write more stuff in the future!