Well written, but too short.

The characters could be a little more in character

:D

Continue writing! :D It's a good story and should be continued! :) Maybe you could go by teethache (the tooth will fall?) And make him able to say how to pass xD (But why is Kyuubi to Castle Bleck? Did you write it in other stories? I'll see.) Bye!
(It's written by Google Translate, if it's hard to understand ... sorry :( )