Very nice story :o)

Sorry, I just can't deal with this any longer. "Darkness descended in droves"? Oh, gag me with an inappropriate use of metaphor! Birds can descend in droves, but not darkness. Not to mention all your careless half-sentences and words left abandoned like dead batteries in the middle of sentences. You really, REALLY need a literate beta. But that's not me. I'm out of here.

You don't need bold AND italics for emphasis; italics are preferred. Bold is never used for emphasis in real publishing.

This is very nice, but you really need to fix spelling, punctuation and your rather inadequate comprehension of word meanings. To put it bluntly (and if you're going to put things out as a writer you must be prepared for bluntness on the part of your readers, so no whining), you have a tin ear.

And there is no excuse on God's green earth for such horrors as "her and Toby screamed." It's "she and Toby": when two persons are the subject, and one is designated by a pronoun, you use the nominative (I, he, she, we, they), not the objective (me, him, her, us, them). Consider yourself written up by the Grammar Police...

But it's a good story: I like it a lot, and will certainly continue reading, and favoriting...

Don't fret to much the late ninties babes are the awesomest! Not to mention very dorky and dramatic lol. I like the begining its nice.

I hope jareth can help her.

I wish I had a little brother that loved me that much.

You've got me curious! I can't wait for your next update!

your story, or the idea of it is very well written. Please continue writing it.

Nice story! I'm interested to find out what happens next! I'm invested! OOOH! The set up is amazing so far!

poor Jareth... how does Sarah feel about all this? Does she know?

This is so interesting! I'm really loving it. I wish I could form enough of a coherent thought to discuss its many great qualities, but I can't. I'm just enjoying the afterglow of having read something really fun. Thank you!

Best thing I've found in awhile. Enjoyed. Keep going.

OMG! I love this story! Its so nice to read a fic where Jareth and Sarah actually miss each other :) This is also such a brilliant idea and don't let Toby be dead!

I love it! I can't wait to see what happens.