|Reviews for Spies|
| BeenOnForHours 7/18/12 . chapter 2
I go all over this site, looking for good fanfics and typing hasty reviews, using a different 'username' each time. Most of the time, I move on, but this... this has potential. I will come back to this story.
You are a very skillful writer, and I don't want to rush you and mar your talent, but... update soon!
| BruinBastard 7/17/12 . chapter 2
I'm giving you another review, just for kicks. Heck, I don't even know if you want advice, but I'm going to throw some out there anyway.
You're really good at having an internal conversation and reflecting what the character is thinking and feeling. That part's great. But right now, without a bit of dialogue the story seems one-dimensional in a way. You could really bring Scout to life if you had him talk to the other characters.
Like with Pyro setting his hair on fire. I think we would all imagine Scout cussing the guy out while dealing with it. But as it is, he's silent while his hair has burned enough to fill the room with smoke and drive all the other characters out. That's a pretty flat reaction.
By all means, I'm not trying to tear you a new one. I think the story's pretty interesting and you've definitely got a talent.
| BruinBastard 7/17/12 . chapter 1
Well, this is pretty well written. I'm surprised it hasn't gotten any of the typical fawning reviews yet. To be honest, I wasn't aware of what a cilophyte was before reading this, however from you're description alone I've gotten a pretty decent mental image.
Anyway, the only jarring question that cropped up was "Why didn't Scout fight the tentacle monster as it was grabbing him initially?" If that part was in there I might have missed it, otherwise, I think anyone would probably panic and flail around a bit if being grabbed by creepy tentacles. Just my opinion here.
Also, Scout seems to lack the typical sass, but that might be because you've described him as very depressed. Maybe the bark's gone out of him? I'm willing to believe that.