|Reviews for Unity|
| NxaysInsanity 12/14/12 . chapter 3
wEEPS BECAUSE WOW THAT IS SAD. Thomas bbyyyyyyyyy he doesn't even know that Katheryn is no longer Katheryn. SHE'S HYENA THOMASSSSS
| Tamariks 8/22/12 . chapter 2
That was fantastic, of course. I've always been a little leery of original characters, but you really made Thomas work very well. I like the emotion in your writing; it makes everything seem very real. I can't wait for more!
| Musique et Amour 8/21/12 . chapter 2
Yes. Yes you do need to be more self confident about your writing. I see no faults in it, what so ever. Proper grammar, perfect imagery, and in this chapter alone a reader can get a good sense of who the main character is.
If you were a poor writer I definitely wouldn't have -immediately- checked the new chapter once I got the notification.
Keep up the good work. Looking forward to see where the story goes.
| fantasmala 8/14/12 . chapter 1
Wow...that action sequence was absolutely stunning. Granted it wasn't perfect, but the behemoth of a review below me picked up on pretty much any qualms I had with your style. Consider me hooked.
However, a word of warning, be careful that action will not distract from the plot, especially in the first couple chapters, where the framework of any good storyline is laid. Good luck!
| finalpali 7/10/12 . chapter 1
Heyooo! Here is my review. First - the Barry thing. Caught that! Heh. So, twas a very engaging scene, and despite the lack of concrete imagery, which is a good thing by the way, doesn't bog down the action, everything was very vivid. Rain and an urban environment peppered with Infected brews up its own detailed world, whether you've played the game, or like me, really haven't all that much. One thing I think I'd like to see more from your writing is effect, then cause. Usually the relationship is the other way around. But in action scenes, a lot of the time the body is acting of its own accord. When I read the line at the end about him releasing his death grip on the pistol, that was a perfect example of effect before cause. I was imagining his hand throbbing, possibly fractured just because of how tightly he was holding the gun. It's a good trick to employ for action. Another good trick, one you can use later on, is to vary sentence structure. Between one of your long adjective strings, add a 3 word sentence. It adds a sense of finality to those adjectives. And a small warning - watch out for run-ons. As always, avoid the dreaded semi colon ; if you can. Things like that are best as two sentences, rarely does the actual proper NEED for a ; come into play. You'll know when the time is right. Also I understand capsing words is a style thing, because un-italicizing for emphasis in an italicized passage is stupid, but don't overdo it. A lot of the time readers can figure out emphasis on their own. Plot-wise, I'm curious of the aftermath. Despite the lack of description of Thomas' companions (which again, is a good thing!), all he needed to do was label them as "friends" and I felt sympathy as they died. In fact, I was almost sure you'd have Thomas die at the end, one of them 'end is the beginning' tricks. But now, as I said, totally into the aftermath. Sobbing, broken, and alone, I'm dying with curiosity at his next move, and how he'll recover from any injury / food / resource starvation goin' on. Anywho, I surely shall read more! Bravo brave, end long review.
| Musique et Amour 7/10/12 . chapter 1
Not good at fast-paced, intense action scenes..? I'm sorry, but are you on crack? I was literally at the edge of my seat while reading this. Very nicely written, indeed. Looking forward to reading more.