|Reviews for Part of a Chain|
| Izzi89 3/6/13 . chapter 4
Nice chapter.. Interesting really.. I was wondering all along how you'd get rid of Stan before the end of the story XD
Gromov, well, he seemed a little too friendly in this chapter.. it was kind of weird.. He also was acting too nervous around Captain.. After all, he does just believe he's an extremely lucky bumbling idiot :P I don't think he accepts him as Captain.. it's more like, he allows him to continue living in the illusion that he's a captain.. So he can stay alive, by staying at Captain's side..
What i didn't care for in this chapter, was all the extra internal monologue.. and the extra emotional ending, wasn't particularly one of my favorite parts..
Buy all in all, great story.. Must've been a lot of effort to write :D I enjoyed reading it very much
| Izzi89 3/5/13 . chapter 3
Read this earlier and enjoyed it :D The action was cool, and a lot less confusing here..
I'm not entirely sure Pilot really has 'control' over Photoshop, but it was a real nice touch..
What stood out to me as wrong, was Stan.. Although i had been anticipating this since the last chapter.. I really don't see how it is possible for him to have such a sudden change of heart.. While it is nice to believe that people could suddenly grow a conscience, especially not a person like Stan (Killed many times before, weak defenseless innocent victims, probably enjoying being a brute all his life.. No remorse) What would make more sense, was if he let's say, wanted to kill them all himself.. one, because they injured him and made a fool of him in front of his boss.. and two, because possibly if he managed to kill the three that were giving them so much trouble, maybe his boss would forgive him..
| Izzi89 3/4/13 . chapter 2
"In the name of the mug!" XD, my favorite part.. my other favorite part being when Gromov fell on Pilot.
The action in this chapter was interesting, but.. Well, i hope you don't mind me saying, but i found the beginning a bit preachy.. While it's a nice thought, imagining that Gromov would see the logic in Snippy's words, i really don't see him putting himself in this kind of danger willingly..
It got a bit confusing when the group was fighting in the Boss's room, i actually needed to read it again if i wanted to understand it, but couldn't bother..
Some of the words you used here were wrong too, but i can't really remember them at the moment..
Anyways, hopefully the later chapters will be more of my favorites :P
| Izzi89 3/2/13 . chapter 1
Very interesting story, I enjoyed the beginning very much.. It's sort of odd, because i was thinking about writing a story where Snippy and crew follow Captain around.. but then again, i'm sure many people have..
Snippy's remark about the base was especially good, because it never really occurred to me before.. The writing was nice, and i really felt sorry for Snippy when he was getting beat up..
Then the negatives, firstly, I found it rather odd that Snippy was so quick to forget about his chase.. I was expecting him to get angry at Engie for making so much noise, and tell him to get down or something.. I also was thinking that he'd check out if Captain noticed him and Engie right away, i mean it's only logical.. But for the story's sake, maybe you could've made him sound more interested.. I'm not quite sure, because it was also weird to me that he switched from irritated to happy about the discovery so quickly..
The other thing was some of your choices in words 'sturdy' 'crouched' and a few other that escape me.. oh yeah, when Snippy 'strode' over to the Italian.. I would say they're the wrong words to use.. Sturdy, like durable, is usually what you'd use to describe the condition of some structure or inanimate object, not a person's physical condition.. Maybe you could've use something more like husky, or big built or something, if that's what you meant -'cause i'm not really sure-
Use slouched instead of crouched.. When you crouch, you lower your center to the ground, bending your knees in an almost sitting position.. Slouched is when your back is leaned over slightly, like a hunchback almost.. A person can't really be slightly crouched, as you can't be slightly sitting..
Striding is moving slowly, it wouldn't make sense that Snippy would stride over to the Boss, especially when his men are still right behind him.. he'd run or rush over..
Lastly what struck me as off, was when Snippy chose to pretend to be Captain.. So far i've seen no use in that, so unless there's going to be a purpose for that in later chapters, i would change it.. for a couple reasons.. First, it would be much easier and make more sense if Snippy just said Captain died or didn't exist.. he could say Pilot is just insane, he made up the Captain as an imaginary friend, or couldn't cope with the man's death and continued pretending to himself that he was still alive..
And second, i don't think Snippy would be stupid enough to say such a thing.. Pilot's reaction, while amusing and slightly accurate, was also off, because he'd most likely deny the very thought of it loudly, he does after all hate Snippy quite much.. that's why i think Snippy would've went with what i suggested above..
I really hope you don't mind me critiquing your work like this :/ I just enjoyed it so much, i thought i'd share with you what i think would make it better.. I'm sorry if you think it's unfit :
| wct 11/10/12 . chapter 4
I can't find words to tell how much I love this fic, thank you for writing this! :D
(And the Russians and drinking part made my night.)
| Worstcase 11/11/12 . chapter 4
This chapter is lovely :)
It's good to see them finally all back together. Wonder what will happen to Stan, though. Any chance we'll get to hear more of him?
| toeki 11/10/12 . chapter 4
im always a bit irritated when engie is called by his first name, especially by snippy.
else, a satisfying ending. dramatic blood loss, improvised surgery and caring snippy-engie moments for the win :)
| GelibeanH20 11/10/12 . chapter 4
Yaaay! Awesome ending.
| wct 10/1/12 . chapter 3
Wow, didn't expect that, but nice to see a story where Engie gets to do more than just panicking ;)
I am really enjoying this story, keep it up!
| Priest of Pain 9/25/12 . chapter 3
Damn I love this fic!
| Worstcase 9/25/12 . chapter 3
A tactic, which requires Pilot not to run around?... Snippy you should really know better.
And that's some huge gang of former survivors, where they once part of a larger army?
| toeki 9/25/12 . chapter 3
i especially like photoshop and the "snack " here XD
| sam 9/4/12 . chapter 2
Huh, I didn't even know RA had its own section on . yours is the first fanfic I've read of RA, and I'm happy to say I like it :) I found a link from ask mr snippy to your deviant art to here. I feel so bad for everyone when they get hurt, especially when pilot got knocked unconscious; me: nooooooo! Pilot! Anyway, I'll be waiting for more updates :)
| Lynn 8/17/12 . chapter 1
This is absolutely amazing! I love how descriptive you are, it really tied me in! You managed to grasp the role of the characters very well! Very suspenseful ending as well, I seriously can't wait to hear more! I am vividly awaiting the next chapter!
| toeki 8/7/12 . chapter 2
thrilling continuation. only 2 things: i think it is incredibly stupip to march through the main entrance of the foes headquarter without knowing or checking how many opponents there are and if or how they are armed. snippy is not that dumb. and i think it is kind of a contradiction that snippy is not able/does not want to kill there nearly- executioner, but guns down all the "soldiers" in the foes headquarter without hesitation.