|Reviews for In Between the Script|
| PitaPumpkinEater 5/7/13 . chapter 14
I am pleased. Great story. Excellent writing. Thanks (cheers? whatever)
So glad it's ended (maybe?) here. I am so exhausted of the someone cheated storyline. Of course it's cannon so its bound to be a reoccurring plot line.
If you continue, you could totally skip that part and rewrite your own season 4 (no pressure) without that á la ROYL. Sometimes people don't cheat, don't lie and don't take others for granted and somehow things still fall apart.
| BlueEyedFrog 5/7/13 . chapter 4
This chapter, oh god, this chapter!
I had to copy your whole chapter including author's note into the review section and progressively write up my comments on each paragraph as I went through deleting; that's how much I didn't want to miss a single bit of how wonderful it was.
I giggled audibly at "vomited Naomily all over the page" and then when you likened it to Effy vomiting her love for Freddie all over her sneakers and my giggle turned into a pathetic whimper.
Now, I read this chapter on a day with unseasonably European weather for an Australian May day and it made your establishing descriptions of the weather just so relatable and made me nostalgic about my childhood in Europe.
Naomi's exchanges with Gina are fecking hilarious and only made more adorable by the fact that Gina is hopelessly besotted with Emily. And who can blame her? It's just magical how Gina is as enamoured with the young Fitch as her daughter is with only two major differences: A/ She's not embarrassed to show her affection for the cutest creature that ever lived. B/ Gina's first instinct is not "to rush Emily upstairs, strip her naked and throw her into bed." ... thankfully...
The understated but oh so insightful comment about Naomi enjoying taking up as much room as she can in the aftermath of the drifters moving out is a great addition and such a keen psychological observation.
Then we get more of Naomi's staple sardonic wit. Bonus .
And more of Emily's adorably brave unfazed persistence. Bonus bonus bonus.
Then perhaps my favourite paragraph you've ever written: the simile between their momentous shift at the lake and the movement of tectonic plates over time. Obviously paraphrasing it voids it of its magic but I'll tell you: it was truly beautiful.
You also strike the delicate balance of this in-between phase in their relationship very accurately. I mean, we are at a stage in the series where Naomi and Emily clearly had themselves a bit of tent fun at the end of Effy's episode. Naomi even seems rather unfazed at that in the episode, so it's tricky to judge exactly how she and Emily will interact in their private moments. But you've done them justice. And it's also great to see that Emily feels exactly like I just mentioned: unable to figure out how to act because the dreaded 'labels' of what she and Naomi had have shifted but they've not yet settled properly on a new label.
God I wish those damn label things were not so ubiquitous!
I laughed out loud again at "Yeah, well, I also like Led Zeppelin. Doesn't mean I'm going to follow that lot into the woods and trust to come out alive, does it?" because the tangent between the reliability of Effy Stonem and that of exuberant reckless rockers (not to mention the ones who wrote the fitting Black Dog) was too good.
I can only imagine what was going on inside Gina's head at being a fly on the wall of this exchange.
Then up in the bedroom, Emily's flashback made my hands about as clammy as hers. Her playful banter with Naomi over the packing was delightful. Specifically: "Shirt. Bag." the visual of that first shirt hitting Emily in the head and then her dutifully folding everything into the duffel while Emily carelessly flung items out onto the bed faster than Emily could fold...
And throughout their whole banter, the fact that every third word that comes out of Naomi's mouth is a thinly veiled insult which in Naomi-Campbell-speak is a high term of endearment indeed. It reminded me of the way she talks with Cook when they strike up an entente. Except here "piss off" doesn't just mean "you're alright, you" it means "why aren't you kissing me yet?!"
The passage that follows, from the moment "Emily breathed in the cotton and nicotine on [Naomi's] tee shirt."
to their interruption by the Campbell matriarch was beyond words of praise to qualify it.
I'll be honest, I kind of dread the chapters that start down the line of M rated fun and you just know will comprise an interruption by a parent character. Having said that, you sidestepped that one brilliantly by doing something unorthodox and listing 1) and 2). I'm not sure why that worked so well but I think it kind of dispels the cheesy contrived feeling of the pseudo-comic pre-coitus-interruptus.
I loved that Gina's interruption is actually just further proof that she's a good mother, in spite of the obvious pre-conceptions one might have at the sight of her hippy appearance and despite Naomi's moans about her overbearing cliche-ness. She swears her way through a thesaurus but then immediately retreats and gives the girls some space to come to terms with things.
It only comes back to Emily as an after-thought that they were even interrupted when she's leaving and she remembers she has to navigate her way back to the front door without crossing Gina.
That's where the "'I-did-not-just-try-to-shag-your-daughter' face" made me snort at my computer.
Effy and Naomi's exchange was brilliant. I also love the dialogue they share in JJ's episode and this was right on point. The theater-sports-worthy questions only first half and the bits that you get by reading between the lines of what is actually said, when you realise that Effy's brain is five steps ahead of Naomi's when it comes to social awareness. Even though Naomi is not blind to what is going on between Effy's angst and Freddy's lips.
One thing though, I couldn't quite picture Effy laughing... I'm now going to have to go back and watch a few choice episodes of season 3 to find a bit where she does just to remind myself of the sound and of the fact that it is anatomically possible for her.
But her "You could do nothing." is Stirling Silver Stonem!
I loved the image of the car "crammed full of bags and arms and legs." and even more so the "glint of approval" in Effy's eyes through the rear view mirror.
Your description of different states of Emily-Fitchdom (I'm suddenly realising that this review is riddled with hyphenated made up words... oh well, my apologies, but moving on...) when she's under the influence of different substances is great. It's telling of your method writing that you're able to distiguish that we are not affected in the same way by different stimulants. Too often have I read a chapter which describes the characters hopped up on pills and then another chapter where they're drinking the night away and they behave the exact same way... it's fine, but it's a shame because the interesting part is in the subtleties of what each substance brings to their state of mind and their interactions. So here: mushrooms. And it's not just canon, it's perfect.
Their moment of intimacy outside of the circle of tents was - I'm running out of synonyms for beautiful, delightful and all things almost perfect...
Only made more brilliant by rounding it off with Emily's quote from the episode which, you're right just highlights the parallels between Effy (whose episode it is and who is the focus of the shot that plays through Emily's voice-over) and Naomi (whom Emily might as well be talking about in that very same quote).
To summarise, I read this chapter, and then I re-read it to review and I couldn't breathe because I was that happy. ;-)
| BlueEyedFrog 5/7/13 . chapter 3
Much as you yourself appreciate considered and thought-though reviews, I love it when writers like you respond to reviews, whether they raise a point that requires clarification or not. So you get my heartfelt thanks for your your recent comments. But before this descends into a sickening mutual thankfest... onto something of a review.
I take your points regarding the dialect in previous chapter and rest assured that it didn't deter from the coherence of the canon.
As for the choice of various narratives, you're right: it's a shame the second person POV is so polarising. I can only offer my own theory based on my perception but, as far as I'm concerned, second person narrative to me has a mild whiff of 'chose your own adventure' books which in turn makes the narrative feel a little indulgent. But thankfully, if done right, it has as much merit as the alternatives. I'll just admit it's a more risky choice.
Now onto this chapter finally:
I can't say enough how much the Emily flashback here hit the spot.
Once I got my head around the jumps in the timeline and figured out that by reading on I could work out whether we were in 'Season3 Land' or in 'Since I was 12 World' I was fully immersed.
It helps that, as you said in your Author's note, most of us should be expected to be able to fill in the blanks where the canon plot is concerned. As a result, the insertions you provide tread lightly between the lines of the series and provide wonderful background info. I like to this that this fic, although admittedly some of your earlier work and therefore less of a representation of your current talent, can be looked at as if it were a series of extremely well scripted notes for actors looking to interpret the characters and needing to fill in the picture. You give flawless motivation and history to the characters and I like to think that if Kathryn Prescott and Lily Loveless (among others) were to have been given these chapters by the directors of season three, they would not have played their alter-egos any differently.
| BlueEyedFrog 5/7/13 . chapter 2
A lovely exchange between Emily and Gina. I was startled when Gina started her tirade with lilted inserts like 'shite' and 'wee' and talked about living in Scotland. Because, even though I'll fully believe that in their many moves around the country, Gina and Naomi may well have spent some time living up there in Scotland, I couldn't see Gina talking in a Scottish or Irish accent and it just made me think of Kieran. Other than that though, this was another delightful chapter.
I especially appreciated the until-now-missing insight into why Emily left the sticky note with "Emily slept here" scribbled on it on Naomi's bed.
| BlueEyedFrog 5/7/13 . chapter 1
Wonderful! I was never much for second person narrative, preferring third and first person in that order so I was impressed when you converted me with Resting On Your Laurels. But this is much more my comfort zone and - unsurprisingly - I love it.
Naomi's knee-jerk sarcasm response is spot on and it surfs seamlessly between funny and poetic and heartbreaking... I loov forward to reading each of the further one-shots.
| nonsequitur1416 5/6/13 . chapter 14
I can't understand how completely pathetic it is of me to come across this update *just* now. I mean, fuck all, Guppy - I'm pretty sure I haven't been under a rock! That said, amazing stuff yet again SM. You're a lady after my own heart, you are. Anyway, laughed my head off at Naomi's musings on the subject of Emily's decidedly less quiet modes of release. But, please, Naoms. I think we *all* know just how vocal you can be (*cough* Lake *cough* scene *cough*)
| Crevette 5/6/13 . chapter 14
Hey you. am on the road and totally buried with work, but wanted to at least drop a note to tell you how glad I am that I found this fic. Not sure how I missed it when you first started to post it. It is a lovely piece of work, and one that I am quite likely to re-read just for the way you write.
Cheers mate. Nice job.
| foreverchanges 5/5/13 . chapter 14
You know what it is? It's the atmosphere. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. It's the longing; the right kind of hopelessness; the utter, unspoken, fucking devotion. And it's the words not said, and the situations not described that trace the inevitability. But the magnetism; the gruffness of one, the lightness of the other, forever meshing and entwining, is so on the page it makes one really fucking feel it. And it's always, without fail, wanting to marry your Naomi.
Thanks for sharing,
| Tofu9162 5/3/13 . chapter 14
That chapter was beautifully written! I know I always say that but I just love how you state things so simply and make it all flow so these deeper thoughts and feelings they have sneak up until you think "wow, that's so true to the characters AND life in general!" I love that you also introduced us to how Emily got her moped, not many people bring that up so it was nice to read something new :]
| naomilyfan 5/3/13 . chapter 14
another gem from SM, what a surprise... ;)
lovely lovely lovely, that's all I can say really.
ok, it's not all I can say. I can also say that YOU'RE LOVELY! :-D
| Lnc82 5/2/13 . chapter 14
| Tiffythetitan 5/3/13 . chapter 14
Love Naomi's "voice" in this story and particularly loved this chapter. Totally looking forward to what's next when you get there. Btw, I am absolutely frightened of what S7 holds for our girls!
Oh...I have not made it to ROYL yet...conscious decision as I am saving it for marriage. Kidding. I know I will fall in love with that story and die waiting on updates. Curiousity can kill!
| amp24 5/3/13 . chapter 14
That was a really lovely wrap up to what has been a fantastic story. The moped was a great metaphor for Naomi's (evolving) understanding of their relationship. Particularly brilliant writing for those last few scenes and to finish everything off. Thanks for all of the stories and great writing that you share with us on here!
One suggestion I could make, as long as we're first clear that I've loved -and currently love- all of your work: try to create greater differences in the voices of your characters. Especially, during the internal dialogue that your characters often have. I say this because I sometimes feel that Naomi and Emily-and sometimes Katie- all think to themselves with the same or similar speech patterns (eg. dropping 'fucking' nonchalantly into the midst of a thought in a similar fashion. I'm not sure that this is making sense. I'd throw in a specific example but typing this on my phone is shit and it's doing my had in! I'll leave off there.
Thanks again for the time and gift you share with us. Looking forward to the next chapter of ROYL.
| fookyeahskins 5/3/13 . chapter 14
A whole chapter about buying the moped! A entire two paragraphs about how Emily sounds in bed! The word orgasm(s) four times in those paragraphs! A very nice treat indeed. I love them on that bloody moped :)
| hiially 4/27/13 . chapter 8
OH MY GOD THE FINAL SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER. You have captured Naomi better than I've ever read. And it's done so simply, too. Just the "Because it's a love story that never needed defining." I just thought you ought to know that I think that is my favorite Naomily fanfiction line I've ever read.