Ahh, I am such a sucker for time-travel fics! :P They are just too much fun, both to write and to read. This pilot was very entertaining! And Pellew, I love that man. He's such a great character.

Two things real fast that I feel the need to point out:
"Show me to the girl that was on the Retribution" - did you mean Renown?
"Your the girl from the Renowned" - again, did you mean Renown?

You have some good ideas here! I hope you continue with this. :)

-Lady E-