NEXT CHAPTER! WHERE IS IT?!
I love it :) next chap please ;P

Keep going

Not the way I think Ben is but that's just my opinion

AWESOME!

This is a pretty good story! However, one thing that bothered me was that you didn't say when the story changed from Tory's POV to Ben's POV. I also think Ben isn't acting how he normally would, and he flares a little too easily. In the books, Ben always has the hardest time flaring, and someone always has to help him flare, so to me it didn't seem as believable as it could be. Otherwise, I think your story is great and you should write more! -Brit

Okay, well, since you said you're open for advise...
1. The characters are just a bit OOC. I really doubt Ben would tell Tori about how he wants to protect her and how she's fragile. And, Tori wouldn't say/think "OMG".
2. Kinda cliche. Ben has a six pack, Jason turned out to be a jerk, and now Tori was just knocked unconscious.
3. Lots of people have trouble with this, but you got to think of your plot. What IS your plot? Once you have that figured out, DON'T write scenes that don't contribute to your plot. Example: Let's say two characters are running away from some bad guys. They escape and go get some ice cream. That has NOTHING to do with the writer's plot. In your case, it was the movie.
4. Don't have too much going on. Space it out.
5. You keep switching POV's. You use first person and then you use third.
I think that's about it. I know it's no "OMG! I totally love this story! You are the greatest!", but I hope this will actually help you improve.
And, if you get frustrated during this review, then sorry, but you said you were okay with me telling you how it is. But, to make sure your spirit isn't crushed I'll tell you this. You DO write with good detail. Lots of people don't and have trouble with it (I know I do), but you seem to be pretty good with it. And I am NOT just saying that. I mean, I just listed your writing faults, why would I lie NOW?

This is good! It's interesting and written in such a style that is easily read. The only thing I would have to critique would be the tense- change in the middle of the story. You start off in first- person, but then switch to third- person just after "June 14, 2012". Personally, I preferred it better in first- person, but the story is great. I like that the character development and mentality is much the same as the stories- you didn't change their personalities from Kathy Reich's intent. Fantastic job!

great! is it possible to make something from bens point of veiw? It would be nice if you could finish soon... no pressure.

This was pretty good. I think Ben and tori were a little out of character. And where did the monkeys get the gumballs? Just wondering.

Awesome story I really want to know what happens to Tori! Pls update! :D

hi just wanna say update soon this is great and can u promise not to desert ur story like most other authours on this site
but brilliant start keep up the good work