|Reviews for Struggle of a Fiery Heart|
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/17/13 . chapter 21
Been a little longer than I wanted it to be, but oh well. Read the rest of the story in one go, and overall I really enjoyed it. Sure, some errors here and there (with a few tiny ooc moments), but what offsets that all is the work you put into this from Ganturn and his past to the battle scenes. I commend you for never giving up on this, though you finished it a while back.
I don't think I can really say much else, but you did a great job and I plan to read your other fics... whenever. See you around, Shiver.
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/11/13 . chapter 16
Uber short review, 'cause I can't say much about this chapter. But I enjoyed seeing Ganturn's side here, as well as the brief look into his past. Liked seeing Izuka have just a little bit of extra dialogue before dying. And Ganturn killed him in the end! Good stuff, good stuff.
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/11/13 . chapter 15
Aaaaand I'm back.
["Yes, I received the feeling not too long ago; it woke me up out of a dead sleep."] The wording is a little weird here; I'd not use "received the feeling". Maybe "I felt it"?
Also, I find it odd that Micaiah would have Titania let the soldiers know of the attack. I just think it would fit better for the queen to command her men directly. Still, though, good battle scene as usual.
Not much else I can say at this point, but I like how Titania still feels so insecure despite the end of this fic drawing near. And Gatrie, the most broken general in RD! :D Now it's a party, right?
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/4/13 . chapter 14
Homaigawd, it's me again! I've got class in a couple of minutes, so I just wanted to leave a quickie for this.
Definitely still got good stuff going on, Shiver. Liked how hopeful Mist acted despite being face to face with her potential demise (that'll fail, 'cause the good guys always survive in FE if you're decent).
["Watch out Gallia…for I am coming for you, and you better prepare yourselves...] Can't help but always think of Ike's taunt in Brawl whenever I see "prepare yourself," but I'm sure that's true for most of us. xD
And to wrap up the review: still really enjoying the brief scenes of Ganturn's past. Really twisted with using innocnet Daeins to train feral ones, though (perhaps that's what makes it even more eye-catching?).
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/4/13 . chapter 13
Two chapters in one day? Say it isn't so! Hope you don't mind the small influx of emails, but I prefer reviewing chapters individually now. I'm sure you don't mind that, though. (;
You write some good battle scenes, but one part made me feel very iffy. It was when Titania sliced her axe through Scractra's neck and the fact he had a death quote. I thought at first he would immediately die due to that. Maybe a little more detail would help, like informing that his head wasn't cut off or anything (because I would definitely go "wtf" over somebody talking with his or her head cut clean off). xD
I also feel the first thing Boyd said (after learning of Mist's kidnapping) was uncalled for and a little on the ooc side. I really doubt he'd be so indirectly critical towards Titania. First thought is he'd go totally mad with rage, right?
Man, I'm being uber critical this review, but one more thing was Titania pocketing 2,000 gold as if it was just a single coin worth that much. Realistically I'd see it as a sack of gold coins. Okay, I think I'm done being the bad guy here!
This was another great chapter, especially with the last scene between Titania and Greil in the past. Sad to think that was Greil's final hours, but I liked seeing Titania wanting to make him feel better. I always liked Greil/Titania anyway, so.
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/4/13 . chapter 12
Hello, good day, and let's get this review going.
This was an excellent chapter, with plenty of Ganturn's backstory as well as his grudges against Gallia as a branded (which I pondered when reading the chapters focusing on him).
Overall, the mentioniong of Ganturn's mistreatment by the laguz was executed well, but I believe a great majority of the race wouldn't abuse him in the physical way. They'd likely just ignore and pretend he doesn't exist (just like what little backstory we see from Soren). In some ways, though, that is worse: complete and utter disregard.
And as far as the past between Izuka and Ganturn, I liked it as well, but I'm really wondering if a branded could really tranform into a laguz with that concoction... I know such a thing certainly had its effects on Renning (look! I remembered his name! xD), but I'm doubtful about the branded. Still, I commend you for taking such a direction on that; it's definitely original.
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/3/13 . chapter 11
I'm on a roll with reviewing... 'Kay, next chapter.
I'll save my criticism regarding grammar, as I believe I mentioned stuff regarding dialogue in a review a while back (i.e. "insert text," said insert character here as opposed to using a period). This is one of your older fics, though, so I'm sure you've improved on all that.
Laughed a little at the recycled quote from Shinon's when you first see him in PoR. xD
Umm... Do you think the Daein soldiers really would have kissed Micaiah's feet? I'd just stop at the bowing. It's your fic, though. Be careful about Micaiah here, too. I think she was a little ooc here, in the way she acted stuck up near the end:
["Those Feral Ones…how dare they try and mock my power and being! How dare that Dragon Feral One judge my will!" Queen Micaiah's voice was full of rage and it startled Titania with its intensity.] Yeah, that. Though time changes characters and such, I don't think becoming the queen of Daein would make her sound so full of herself. That's just me.
I was curious as to what would have happened to the Daein prisoners if the mercenaries didn't make it; would the head-honcho just turn them into crazed men like Elincia's uncle? (I forgot his name and am too lazy to do a quick search.) Anyways. Guess you go into that later on. Maybe.
Still, though, I liked this chapter!
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 3/2/13 . chapter 10
Here for chapter ten now, Shiver. Yay for reviewing more often already, I guess. Anyways.
To start, a little crit, though I know whatever I mention may be moot since this fic has been long finished. Whatever.
[The red-haired paladin heaved herself out of bed, her mouth refusing to change to anything but a grimace.] That just sounds a bit awkward to me. I'd rather just say something like: "The red-haired paladin heaved herself out of bed, her mouth refusing to form anything but a grimace."
Other than that and some little errors here and there, you're good.
Nice to see Micky and Sothe here, and I liked the little mention of the warp powder. Surely the Black Knight was not the only one in Daein that would make use of it.
And as always, you did a good job with the little fight that went on. I would have expected it to be much longer and involve more resistance from Crimean soldiers, but it was still good. I thoroughly enjoyed the way you wrapped up the chapter with Titania's memory of Ike leaving the mercenaries, too.
P. S. - I just realized you're not on my alert list. Added! (:
| ExposedWiresExposedVeins 2/25/13 . chapter 9
After a looooooong period of... well, not reading this (or much else, for that matter), I'm here. I commend you for finishing this entire fic and hope this review can help, if even a little. 'Kay.
As far as criticism goes, to start, there's not all that much. There are some words that I don't think need to be capitalized (stronghold, throne room, etc.), but that stuff's all very insignificant.
I'm curious about Ganturn and his ability to command feral ones; has he gotten a hold of potions, I wonder? Nice to see such a villain. I've never imagined seeing someone write a laguz commanding feral ones, when all we see from the laguz allies in the Tellius series is fury for their brethren. Also, his goal of taking over Melior while the Greil Mercenaries are in Hatari? Well, that explains the Feral Ones spotted in Crimea.
And Drage? I love the way you're writing his character and your depiction of the Feral Ones in this chapter. :D
Good stuff, Shiver! Sorry again for holding back on this, but I hope to catch up one of these days. Take care.
| TheFreelancerSeal 12/13/12 . chapter 3
Another review from yours truly.
This story still shows promise to me. It should be very interesting when the mercenaries take the job. I remember fighting the feral ones in the game. Boy, did they pack a wallop. But that's not really relevent here. Everyone seems quite in character, especially Shinnon. He was a jerk in PoR, RD, and he's still a jerk here. I think there's a nice build-up and the length is nicely balanced. It doesn't overwhelm, and it doesn't feel too rushed.
Slowly but surely, I'll make it to the end. XD
| FoxRocks 12/11/12 . chapter 21
Excellent story! I love the dragon battle!
| Ike 12/11/12 . chapter 20
Wha! that was good. Will Ike return? Can't wait for next chapter. Would be great if Ike returned.
| FoxRocks 12/9/12 . chapter 20
I'll be reading that last chapter
| Ike 11/30/12 . chapter 19
OOOOOOOOOOOH amazing. Will Ike come back oh pleassssssssse.
| FoxRocks 11/30/12 . chapter 19
Wow long chapter; its been a pretty great story :D