|Reviews for Shattered Glass|
| Reinbow-Jellifysh 3/19/13 . chapter 4
WHY IS THIS SO DEPRESSING FOR ME
Poor Seto, losing his locket to those stupid enemies...
| Reinbow-Jellifysh 3/18/13 . chapter 3
Crap. I forgot to write a review about the last chapters. /table flip
Well, that probably happens because the story is awesome so far! :D
| grandshadowseal 9/10/12 . chapter 5
This is great! Can't wait for the next chapter! XD
| Guest 8/5/12 . chapter 1
I hate to disappoint you but you didn't fail. :-) Your intro grabbed me right away with "continued on in hopes of finding more survivors". Right away you got me wondering "survivors of what?" and "who will he find?" Very effective hook there! Also I like your description of the deserted amusement park ride. You give just enough detail so the reader can picture it but not so much as to put him or her to sleep. Ending the chapter with the black-haired boy running away with Seto's necklace and Seto deciding to follow is an exciting cliffhanger that'll make your reader want to continue to the next chapter. Great job on this first draft!
| Some Moron 8/6/12 . chapter 3
Woohoo, fight scene! And yes, I like the cliffhanger, makes me want to know what else is coming...
| Some Moron 8/5/12 . chapter 2
I LIKE IT! I'm not a huge FD fan, but this is so well written that I totally want to hear more. Crow's behavior (including the necklace mischief at the end) seems perfectly in character from what I've seen.
| Spring Zephyr 8/5/12 . chapter 1
Your grammar is a bit off, but overall not too bad. A lot of what happened in this chapter was something that already happened in the events of the game though, so next chapter you might want to start deviating away from the game's storyline...
Formatting, so... I can tell you're probably using WordPad or something just from how the formatting in this story looks. Try downloading Open Office, because it works better with this particular site. A lot of people also use "bold" to write their author's notes/comments in, which isn't really necessary, but which I personally think looks better because it separates the story from the comments.
The story itself I can't review on much, because, as I said, so far it has remained pretty similar to the game... Keep writing, just try to inject some originality in there soon, because this story and the idea has potential.
| Some Moron 8/5/12 . chapter 1
Wow. You are a darn good writer. I didn't even realize that... I guess I haven't seen much of your actual narrative writing. Some of your description really stood out, especially the amusement park and when Crow jumps towards Seto, etc... Can't wait to see how you write the rest of it!
Nope, no fail here. Couple of minor things I'd point out though:
- There's a tense shift towards the beginning ("...the previous attacks he's encountered since he's started his journey..." followed by past tense for the rest of the story)... very minor though, the spelling and grammar is really good for the most part.
- I would add a copyright disclaimer at the top - I think FFnet requests that everybody do that. Something like "Fragile Dreams is owned by Namco" (right?) or "I don't own this universe or any characters" (except OCs you may add), or, my personal favorite because I'm a nerd, "#include 'stddisclaimer.h' "
- I'd also put some kind of separator (OoOoO would work, for instance) between the story and the ending author's note, and maybe make the note boldface.