Well, I made allot of mistakes in this so i am going to add this story (updated) to another one with the same name and remove this, i have more and will post it (and have this one deleted) along with the corrections

hey bud loved the setup but the dialogue suffered for instance he just heard her say her namd and get attacked on camer and he asks her what her name is and what's wrong and I'd say lay off the love and heroics otherwise terrific vivid imagery

This is intense.