|Reviews for Training on the School Grounds|
| SadMovie23 5/15/13 . chapter 7
I have read this chapter as soon as it got updated, but didn't leave any reviews out of pure laziness. I apologize.
This was a short, but good chapter. There was enough action to keep the reader interested, and I liked the introduction to Darren. It reminded me of my own chemistry, although I was fortunate to the fact that no accidents happened. But the Janice and Rachel fraction was very well done as well. I wasn't expecting the vampire girl to die so early on, and honestly I thought she would put more of a fight. Bonus points for not describing her tongue as a sea slug or something big and gross while she was being strangled. It read like this asphyxia was shorter than normal, but very brutal.
I'm always more interested in the first students to kill. I'm not rooting for Janice, I dislike her actually, but I'm really curious about the way she's going to die.
Could you kill a boy next time, please? :-D
| Daniel Affaro 5/13/13 . chapter 7
I've just got up to date and already want more. The interaction between Janice and Rachel was amazing and I loved how real you made Lukas.
Viktor was very very well written, and I love how human you made him. He's acted just like a normal person would.
Very well done and I can't wait for more.
| Daniel Affaro 5/13/13 . chapter 5
Upon starting this, I decided to read a bit into it before reviewing in order to get a feel for the characters and the overlying plot.
First off; I need to get this out of the way. You're very talented with words. I enjoy how the flow often matches the tone and I have found myself drawn into the pace of a character's thoughts and feelings as I read. For that I applaud you. My only issue would be that of flashbacks. While I thoroughly enjoy your use of small flashbacks to illustrate a certain character aspect or point, due to them being slipped into the text and flow of the narrative without a break, I find it difficult to identify them as they are so subtly used. While the subtlety is what I love (and by no means should you change your writing style), in terms of personal taste, I personally would have put flashback dialogue and narrative in italics.
Your setting up was very good. I like how you didn't just list students at the beginning or fall into stereotypes; you wrote the characters as what they are: people. I also liked how you introduced everyone over a series of chapters, but took the time to develop them, rather than just a select few (something I myself admit to bring guilty of in my own BR fic).
I also like the mentality of the "players". Why they're doing what they're doing and how it ties in with their personality. They're reacting how humans would react; giving in to their own idiosyncrasies. I particularly enjoyed the vampire girl's reaction and Carmina's mentality.
You've created something great here and I can't wait to read more.
You have definitely earned a favourite and follow.
(Side note: Love your use of a map. Up until reading yours I thought I was the only person to use one)
| ZizziHungarian 3/14/13 . chapter 7
Vampire or not, Rachel didn't last very long... which I like very much, I loved her character, but letting a vampire win the Program would be cheesy. But the others... stupid Darren, stupid Victor, stupid Lukas... and damn scary Janice! That will be an interesting game with only two firearms...
| ilovedoodle 3/1/13 . chapter 7
Derrick seems... interesting. a little mental, but ofcourse, thats what you were going for. Would he hae the mental strength to kill himself though? Not Rachel... I liked her! Ok, so the death scene was good and detailed, but shouldn't Janice feel slight remorse for killing someone? You'd have to be inhuman if you didn't, and she is just a school girl. Enjoy the feedback!;)
| SadMovie23 1/21/13 . chapter 6
Remember when I said I thought the tendency of the next few chapters was for them to become uninteresting, since no one was dying or fighting? So, you can erase my words from your mind. This chapter was great, and it managed to be great even if little occurred in it. Victor's story was the best part. Not only was I moved and interested in his relationship with the Italian girl, but I can also relate to it, since something similar happened to me in the past, though fortunately with a different ending. Victor is someone I wish to win the training, even though we don't have that much in common. This is a trick you should be proud of, since its really hard to make a viewer to root for a character he does not use as a surrogate.
About Lukas, at first I thought you were going to enter cliche territory and turn him into a killing machine, which is the fate of pretty much all kids in BR fics who have mental disabilities. Like in the raising hand program, for example. Thankfully, you managed to give it a twist, by showing how scared the boy is and that, since he's a child inside, he cannot comprehend why he should kill his classmates. The description of his fear of the game was very well done, and the ending was unexpected by me, giving a good suspense for the next chapter. After all, someone will most likely be killed by that rifle in the future.
Excellent chapter! Now I can say you managed to make a story that's better than your previous one!
| ilovedoodle 1/7/13 . chapter 5
this is so good! only recently got into battle royale, and this was the first fic i have read about if. great ideas, great characters, just could you try and make the flash back type things abit clearer?:)
| SadMovie23 1/4/13 . chapter 5
I know I should have reviewed this chapter before, because I read it shortly after it was posted. However, I went to a place with no internet to spend New Year's Eve with my family. Anyway, let's get this started then. The story is progressing in a good pace, the last chapter had quite a lot of action and now this one is more focused on character development. I'm glad to see that you managed to show how two of the girls are complex characters. I wouldn't imagine Rachel would be anything more than a crazy girl who would go around to suck everyone's blood, so Im happy you proved me wrong. Janice, on the other hand, is not a sympathetic character, but she still seems more interesting than the typical villain. I'm still not sure if she will kill in the game or not, which is rare as far as BR fics go. Good job and I will keep reviewing the next chapters.
| ZizziHungarian 1/2/13 . chapter 5
Did I already tell you that I like Rachel? Because I do, so I hope she will not freeze to death in the schoolyard... I also liked Janice in this chapter. Keep up the good work!
| ZizziHungarian 11/28/12 . chapter 4
Wow! I did not expect this coming... poor Christina! Carmina is such a psycho, but I think she will surely last long... so update soon!
| els1324 11/18/12 . chapter 4
Oh damn! Carmina is TOTALLY going crazy! I called it! XD
I have to say though, to an extent I can seriously relate to her. The way she looks, pale with long brown hair, glasses, she had braces at one point & I have them now - being bullied...Except being bullied made me in to the strong, independent woman I am today. She...didn't take it so well...I don't think I want her to win though, I feel horrible for her, but she's CRAZEH! Her mentality made her believe the one person she seems to trust above all others was bullying her. She kinda was though...Oh well.
I really don't want to see Lukas die. Or at least, I don't want him to have a painful death. He doesn't even understand what's going on and he'll probably have a very difficult time fighting back.
On the dark side though, I want Tyler to get Peter or Harrison - and with the plastic bag. I truly hate bullies so that'd be cool. Haha, I'm a bad person.
| SadMovie23 11/13/12 . chapter 4
Wow. It's truly unbelievable how much you have improved since the training, and specially the beginning of it. Not only you changed your way of describing the characters, but you also managed to create a very unpredictable chapter. The initial assumption I would make would be that Carmina was destined to become this season's Lindsay, because she was bullied all the time, but you managed to sweep me from under my feet. I could see that Christina would be the first to die, because you kept describing her as strong and violent, but
not that Carmina would be the one to kill her. And in such an instinctive moment, only because of paranoia- I think this scene captured very well the spirit of a battle royale. I am quite fond of Tyler, even though he's not my favourite at least he has an original background. I hope the next couple of chapters are as good as this one!
| els1324 11/8/12 . chapter 3
I'm starting to worry about Carmina's mental health...Seriously worry.
Hahaha, Elias complaining about no art made me laugh. XDD
I like that you made Jonas against the training - makes me like him more.
Oooh! I love that you made danger zones safe again - very interesting!
Oh dear, Brad really does like his brother's girl, doesn't he?
Maaaan, you have me just as hooked to this one as you did the last one - can't wait for the next update! :)
| els1324 11/8/12 . chapter 2
Janice is definitely evil. I really, REALLY hope you at least give Christina the chance to kill her. She may not kill her, but I want that chance.
You're doing it again! Making me want the underdog to win! I like Carmina, but with her low self-esteem right now, she will probably be a horrible fighter. xD I want to get to know her more though!
I am dying to know what the hell Victor did to Miquel and Antonio! It involves a girl but, who?!
Aww! Poor Cathy! And then her one friend (I assume?) is someone Elias wants to draw! Oh dear. D:
| els1324 11/8/12 . chapter 1
Yay! Andrew won't be participating so he won't have to die! ,D (Andrew is my favorite name, so you know, a little attachment with the name. XD)
I flipped between this tab and two more with the images of the characters - it helped to get the right picture in my head. Although, if you do this in the future, I recommend setting the characters up as 4 across and 3 up and down - it'd be much easier to be zoomed in to the image and not have to scroll to see names.
Let's see how many people I remember (I will be looking at the avatars for this, I am TERRIBLE with names.) Carmina was the ugly duckling turned beautiful swan who thought she was being bullied by Tyler - he had previously been buds with two jerks. Harrison and...someone else...lol Christina was one of the girls to comfort Mina. Janice was not quite nice and Jemima gave up super fast when trying to talk to them. Thought that was weird. xD
Rachel was the vampire to scare that couple, Catherine was the pretty girl that wasn't exotic, while Denise and Janelle were. Lobelia was the lesbian - and I don't remember the other girls.
Elias was the artist and Darren was the clumsy one, I like the twins, Lukas is the one with Asberger's (I'm very interested to see how you handle this by the way), Antonio, Victor, and Miguel are the ones having issues in their friendship - I believe Victor was the outsider?
I have vague memories for the rest except for Jessica - and now that I've searched through the chapter that makes sense. She was over with quickly and went by Paulsy. xD;
There you go! Those are the ones that stuck for me! :)
I'm going to continue reading now because I really like it and I want moooore!