|Reviews for The Better Sword|
| ColdHandsLuke 4/16/13 . chapter 31
I really like this story, and I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
| Veridissima 4/14/13 . chapter 31
This story is amazing
I love your idea
So happy that Jon has finally met Robb. And love Jon relationship with both Dany and Arthur. Can't wait for them to meet Aegon
I was so sad when Margaery died, and Robb was so heartbroken. But love how Jaime protected Cersei. And happy that Tywin died, not really happy with the idea of Tywin and Catelyn
So sad that she never got to know Ned, and so sad that when she describes his father to Robb, she describes Brandon, with us knowing how different they are
And love that Jon is still a warg, I hope they found direwolves (Robb with Greywind and Jon with Rhaego in one side and Ghost on the other... would be awesome)
And I hope Robb changes his mind about fighting Arthur
Hope you update soon
| Darksnider05 3/26/13 . chapter 19
This chapter is still mind boggling and sorta stupid she needs an Army and Dany never struck me as stupid enough to believe she could get by on her name alone.
She needs to go get her slave Army and free them thus giving her some actual power.
| First Death 3/25/13 . chapter 31
| OfTheGreenwood 3/17/13 . chapter 31
Totally addicted to this-can't wait for more! Hope Jon will be able to straighten his cousin out about the costs of war.
| Darksnider05 3/17/13 . chapter 31
Really want Dany to stay single and if she does take a husband he would have to be accepting of her dominance in all things. I can't see anyone who's marrying her for power doing that unless their smart enough to understand the power that comes in simply serving her.
Which is unlikely.
| THE GRID 2/16/13 . chapter 31
good chapter but I found the definition of honor by Robb stark very hypocritical,ho does he expect Jon sand/Targaryen to react after he murders the man he has seen as a father in but name and expect no consequences,like jon despising him for holding a grudge against Arthur Dayne for doing his duty as a kings knight by following Rhaegar's command and these in-spite the fact that Arthut Dayne and Jon Targaryen saved Robb and his mothers life from inevitable death,they would have been dead if the Arthur and jon didn't intervene.
I also find too naive and willing to go along with Robb stark's plan and political maneuvering;I mean who agrees to all the terms put forth by a potential ally,I mean saying nothing while robb stark all but puts a price on arthurs head as compensation for his alliance.
Jon was also too willing to go along with jon being his commander in the coming war,forgetting that he is heir presumptive and a dragon lord and rider,he is expected to lead men not lead,Robb can lead mean,his men in the north but not Jon.
All this odd behavior is making it more apparent that you are going out of your way to make sure Robb Stark survives this war by having jon near by or your love for the canon stark family is blinding you to Robb faults in reasoning and Jons forced flaws-jon can not make unilateral decisions without input from dorne.
There is a reason Robb Stark died in the books-his sense of honor and lack of in given situations,so if you have jon go along with every decision robb makes,there is no room for character growth for both of them.
Lastly jon cant behave like he is a stark although he might look like one,he must be his own man and serve the interests of his cause and mission-his and denaerys mission not Robb isn't about wining every single time but coming to a compromise.
Also honor is not universal but personal,you cant except everyone to act the same way you could have given the situation because everyone is different and unique because of their life experiences and reasoning.
| void 2/15/13 . chapter 31
good chapter but I fear Robb is walking a fine line between revenge and overwhelming urge to avenge his father is clouding his judgement and could end the long line of stark Lords in winter fell should he fall to Arthur dayne.
in fact i wouldn't mind seeing him die because of his thoughtlessness,he would kill a man out of honor for a crime done on a prince's honor bound command and yet he excepts jon sand/tagaryen to exercise the same sense of honor he was expected to have in accepting his father Ned's death as collateral in war and not hold it against Arthur dayne.
This shows a great lack of empathy and political acumen towards the situation he will put jon in after he kills the man he sees as his only father figure or the fate of the alliance after his death if his unfortunate to die in the death has repercussions and Robb stark is naive to think any himself is a testament to holding grudges after war and death.
I also find it very disturbing how willing Jon is to go along with all of this and even going as far as accepting to be under Robb's command during the war,they can be allies that's fine but jon a dragon lord and heir presumptive to the iron throne not having command of his own forces is laughable and impossible;this also show a great naivety on Jons part and a sense his letting emotion cloud his judgement in regards to Robb as family.
Jon is too willing to go along with his cousin Robb starks political maneuvering for that's what they are and forgetting their consequences,ie Arthur Daynes possible death his father in all but blood because of a grudge disguised as honor and his dignity,pride and standing in the allied army because he is too desperate to make a family connection with robb a practical stranger.I would even go as far as pointing out that the presumed blood debt owed to house stark by Arthur dayne is all but paid given that he and Jon rescued Robb and his mother from certain death.
| Guest 2/15/13 . chapter 31
really decent chapter a good twist to the story
| chronos the cookie thief 2/16/13 . chapter 31
that was not cool of robb to force ser arthur into that. what will happen now that the wolf joins the dragon alongside dorne? also how are things in king's landing now that tyrion is ruling? update soon
| KnightOfHolyLight 2/15/13 . chapter 31
Great job again. So few more than little intense moments here. Bolton thou played smartly. He might honestly might not have known about this all and Ramsay was wild but I doubt it. But for one I am sure he did not wish Domeric's dead so I wonder just what the truth is.
At least Jon managed to make his case and got Robb and the North to his side. But I wonder just what Dany will say once she learns the final price. Either way if Robb or Arthur die it will be lose-to-lose for her death of Lord of North or one of the most valuable knights in her command will end badly. I wonder what Catelyn will say to all this once she learns everything. She most likely will hate Arthur since this will seriously risk her only son. Either way if that duel will happen North and Dorne will hate each other greatly and Dany's reign will get a very bad start. But then again there is much time for that duel and who knows what happens.
Overall great job again and I hope that you update soon.
| CloudyDream 2/15/13 . chapter 21
So, I read about twenty chapters.
I like the concept. The story is promising, and you're doing quite a good job with handling everything. Now, here's the honest opinion, the one that always takes me a while to write and I don't bother writing unless I really care about the story:
To put it bluntly, it lacks finesse.
Everything is way too straightforward, the plots, the characters, the dialogues. The message of ASOIAF is, the world is a mess and the game of thrones even more so, but here it doesn't show - even plots are way too quicks. Theon dying, Olenna killing herself, Jon being raised as a simple man and his relationship with Dany/the Dornians, it's all way too simplistic. There are no layers, no details, just black and white.
I realize it's fanfic, and it's not that I don't like it, but it could be so much better. It's just, well, raw. I'm not here to flame or bash or anything, I'm just offering advice, if you want it. Meaning, if you ever want to do a rewrite, or want someone to look things over, drop me a line.
You're probably wondering, who si this person that pops up out of the blue and says she knows better than me? Nothing like that - I hope I'm not coming across as rude, or arrogant or anything. I just like to see fics I enjoy and find promising get better and fulfill their potential, and I'm well read and knowledgable enough (no bragging, no fake modesty, just the truth) to offer objectively good tips. Take 'em or not, your choice. Just know that if you need anything I'm just a PM away.
Okay, here it is. Honest to gospel opinion, and I know it probably won't matter much against the couple hundreds of (surely positive) reviews you already have, but I like to think a honest, constructive criticism is worth more than a couple of "OMG it's perfect update soon" and that this will make you think, and hopefully won't make you angy because, and I can't stretch this enough, I LIKE the story, A LOT, and that's the only reason why I'm leaving this in the first place.
Thank you for sharing, and have a good day.
| CloudyDream 2/15/13 . chapter 12
I'm reading throught this rather quickly cos I'm hooked but, should Robb be "Lord Robb"? Even if he's not 16 yet, he's still the lord of winterfell, same as how Joffrey is king in the books when his mother is the regent
| CloudyDream 2/15/13 . chapter 9
Quick tidibi: whe you write a character's thoughts, you shoudl use the quotation marks, those are for dialogues. Maybe italic? Anyways, that's the only grammar thing you've problems with - character's thoughts have to be writtten in a different tense than the rest when they are direct. Like, when you write
"How can his sister and nephew be so foolish in affairs of state?!" he thought.
It should be either
How can my sister and nephew be so foolish in (regard to the) affairs of state? he thought (telling Tyrion's thoughts first person, present tense)
Tyrion wondered how could his sister and nephew be so foolish... (indirect speech, same tense as the rest of the text). Got it?
Otherwise, the story's really good. I can hardly say anything about it because it's perfect, well done.
| isabellasnow 2/15/13 . chapter 31
Nooooo! Robb and Arthur can't fight! They're my favorites! You're rivaling GRRM in your cruelty...
But great chapter!