|Reviews for Castlevania: The Time Rift|
| LateNiteSlacker 9/5/12 . chapter 1
Wow, this is such a spastic story. And I don't say that lightly.
I think you have some fun dialogue here. (How can you not, with such classic Symphony of the Night dialogue?) However your play-script format can make the story really confusing and difficult to read. I'd suggest adding quotations around your character's words, and more description of who is speaking. If you do this, it will alleviate some of the confusion.
It's also a little clunky to have massive blocks of plot inserted between the dialogue. This is fortunately an easy fix. Break the giant blocks into smaller paragraphs and the story will flow better.
If you make these fixes, I think you could have a decent story going. Best of luck!