|Reviews for A Day Off|
| Dominus Tenebrosus 10/17/12 . chapter 1
I'd like to start by saying I'd never even heard of this fandom before, so... Yeah. Definitely not familiar with it. Anyway, my reviews come in two parts: A sort of 'rolling commentary' where I give my thoughts about what I'm reading at that time, and some general thoughts at the end. If that's an issue, just let me know, and I'll do something different in the future for you. :) Anyway.
I guess she doesn't get many days off. And surprise! Maybe?
Guess it really is him, then.
Well. Guess she noticed... Something. ;)
Heh. Well, that tells us a bit about the character, anyway.
Embarrassment junction! Even if he didn't (probably) notice.
Considering the comment about his character, contrasted with her... Reactions, I'm not sure what the hint is supposed to be.
Small talk. I don't know if that's canon for them, but it seems to work here.
Hm. Speaking of hints, I suspect if she connected a few dots there she might find some... Ah, similar thoughts, there?
Maybe the wrong dot connecting, I think.
Everyone gets a day off!
Heh! Well. He connected the dots maybe a bit better than she?
Yes, you just asked him about them. :P
Sounds like the circumstances behind a date, to me.
Ah, just go with it, girl.
Heh. Sounds like she's gonna go.
I'll admit, this is not the sort of thing I'd typically read. But hey, RT, eh. At least it's not slash. Anyway, seems reasonably well written to me, don't have any complaints at any rate.
Good stuff. I'd recommend it to a fan. :)
| The name's Sherlock Holmes 10/6/12 . chapter 1
Not so entertaining.. Seemed more like a girl silently flirting with some guy.. No offenes.. 6/10, good detail and spacing, not so good entertaining wise.
| ReadingBlueWolf 10/6/12 . chapter 1
As a heads up, I'm not familiar with this fandom. I really like this story though. I like the way that Dani's mind traced the jeans and how it kept coming back in a circle. That was really neat. I like how Nico had a moment of thought before deciding he was going to ask her to drive around with him. I wish there had been a little more about his inner battle. But over all I really like this. And I like your writing as well. Great job!
| darkin520 9/27/12 . chapter 1
Well, please know I am fandom blind on this one, but I think I got a really good sense of Dani and Nico in this. I thought it was really cute that Dani was checking him out, but trying to be ever so subtle about it. But Nico knew it was happening the whole time. What was seemingly an ordinary conversation about scones and clothing choices was actually something more...a read between the lines kind of story that I really enjoyed, despite not knowing the fandom. Wonderful use of description. I did notice a missing comma or two; when a character is addressing another, a comma is needed. But other than that, it was wonderful. Well done. :)
| Legendary Biologist 9/27/12 . chapter 1
I like the your style, writing a fic with interrogative questions. Also, everything is well-described. And I have a suggestion: please separate paragraph between quote and sentences. This will make everything easier to be read.
For example, this:
Nico nodded, glancing at the door for a moment before deciding. This was a dangerous game, if the heat rising on Santino's face was any tell, but for once Nico decided he wanted to play with fire. "I was planning on heading into the country for a drive. Would you like to join me?"
It looks better if it is like this IMHO:
Nico nodded, glancing at the door for a moment before deciding. This was a dangerous game, if the heat rising on Santino's face was any tell, but for once Nico decided he wanted to play with fire.
"I was planning on heading into the country for a drive. Would you like to join me?"
Anyway, wish you luck on getting more constructive reviews.
| MessengerOfDreams 9/26/12 . chapter 1
Haha, this was cute. And cute. I have heard of this show but not much of it; in fact I thought it got canceled but apparently not. But I do like the dynamic between this two characters and the flirtiness was executed pretty good. It's not usually my type of thing, but I'm all for trying new things and I found no problems. Nico in particular intrigues me just as much as he does Dani; he seems like someone that would be a background character if he wasn't so Damn attention arresting. I like that.
Sorry if I wasn't of much help, but I enjoyed this, so fear not!
| Miss Shad 9/26/12 . chapter 1
I must admit that I've never even heard of this series before, so I can't comment on this from a canon standpoint. Nonetheless I think this is a fine little piece; I can get a feel for who these characters are despite not knowing the canon, and the writing itself is good, with no mistakes that caught my attention. Overall, I liked it!
| SkywardDiamond 9/26/12 . chapter 1
This was really enjoyable! I love how you portray these two characters. If this was my fic, I'd rate it T just because of the heavy-ish flirting, and the fact that she's checking out his butt. Teehee... But, that's really your call. I would just consider this more at the age level of teens and up.
Anyway, I think it's awesome how you basically showed (without telling, at all) the personalities of these two people. I'm able to not only get a strong idea of who these two are as individuals through this short fic, but also what their relationship consists of (when they're not doing 'unusual' things like ogling and flirting with each other.) I'd say he's rather nonchalant, a typical guy in most ways, and has a playful side. She seems more conservative, but is receptive of his teasing, and she also finds him attractive, which makes these two a fun pairing.
Another thing that made me think T was this: "A drive into the country with Nico could mean one of three things...and she really didn't think he wanted to kill her."
...If it's implying what I think it's implying.
There are a few missing commas here and there. Some examples:
"So, cranberry, huh?" needs two commas. And the sentences with names, such as, "So what are you doing on your day off, Doctor?"
Slicked-back, I think, needs a hyphen.
But, yup, this was really good, and I've never even heard of this fandom before. Nice work!
| Sierraoscar154 9/25/12 . chapter 1
The most I know about Necessary Roughness is the adverts they play when I'm watching Burn Notice :/. That being said, this is a sweet and suggestive story that shows the relationship between these two characters. I like the fact "jeans" are used to add an element of tension in the story and it's worked wonderfully in. Nico and Dani certainly play a tough game, and in the end, I think, they both come out winners.
| SkyWideOpen 9/25/12 . chapter 1
Sharp, yet rather sweet. Can't claim to know the fandom but I enjoyed this nonetheless - the quick-paced, light-hearted writing style really works for the piece, and the dialogue, whilst apparently superficial and normal, clearly carries considerable subtext, which is quite lovely. It's also immediately clear simply from the story and the strength of the character voice, even though I don't know the characters, that Dani finds Nico more than a little fascinating and mysterious - and the by-play between the two near the end was excellent. Quick-tempo and high quality. Well done.
| The Bitter Kitten 9/22/12 . chapter 1
So as a caveat, I don't know anything about Necessary Roughness.
This was pretty darn cute, though. I get the idea that Dani is a little more straight-laced than she is here, and I thought that was a nice little nod to letting her bun down once she's out of her workplace.
She had a pretty awesome coffee order, too ;)
A few minor points:
Whenever a character addresses the person they're speaking to directly, it's set off by a comma, like so:
"Sherlock, you can't stash body parts in the fridge."
"Would you rather they're out and on the table, John?"
Also, you switch headspace a little frequently. It takes a minute before I realise who's thoughts I'm reading.
Other than that, I didn't notice any problems.
I got a real sense of them being friendly at work, but not really knowing each other beyond their job descriptions, then discovering that they want to know more about each other. I'd be interested to see where the drive in the country leads.
| persevera 9/22/12 . chapter 1
"normally inconsequential derriere."-great phrase
"He smiles, "So far?""-smiled. Will assume it's a typo, rather than change in tense
Cute one-shot. I liked the line about thee were only three things possible if she rode into the country with him-and she didn't think he wanted to kill her
| IrishPanther 9/21/12 . chapter 1
Interesting one-shot here! I do not have any knowledge of the series Necessary Roughness so I cannot comment on OOC-ness. I can, however, say that I liked this little set up with Nico coming in wearing jeans, certainly catching Dani off guard, then the two conversing and then end it for us to decide what occurs. No grammatical errors here, so excellent work proofreading! Once again, I truly enjoyed reading this one-shot! :)
| LLevey 9/3/12 . chapter 1
| Guest 8/31/12 . chapter 1
OH please, please, please add more. This was cute and good and I can see so many places you can take this.