|Reviews for Poor Luke|
| Guest 5/21/13 . chapter 7
I hate when that happens. Thank you so much for writing this story. Please continue to write.
| Wolfia Thunderas 4/2/13 . chapter 7
BFF-HAHAHA! Good job Luke! Just go and make everyone sick, why don't ya? LOL! Poor Luke. o3o Good job!
| fantasybookworm2012 12/20/12 . chapter 6
He's sick and he feels "honorable" I think you meant horrible.
| WalkInThePark 10/15/12 . chapter 7
Heheh luv the ending
| Guest 9/15/12 . chapter 7
Good job luv it
| becca-baby 9/14/12 . chapter 2
SLUR THE WORDS! like this ehem "Don' feel good" and "'k" duh!
| DJDanger1 9/10/12 . chapter 7
haha jessie never gets a break! great story
| deadman68 9/9/12 . chapter 7
Poor kids all them sick but it eas good story
| SparklieeFairy 9/7/12 . chapter 7
As I said in my last review I feel this whole story was rushed. There was no plot or turn in this story, like he went over 104, there was no description and was so short, putting sorry it's short after every chapter dosent do anything, it's just annoying that there isent more... Maybe rewrite it again, much longer and complexed. This is not a flame, but I feel this story and you as an author have potential.
| TinyLibraryMouse 9/5/12 . chapter 5
There are a few problems with this that I would like to point out.
Firstly, as others have pointed out, this is way too short. I would think that you would have learned from your reviewers and elongated your story, perhaps by adding some more complex sentences, or including details. Do not feel the need to rush for your readers and add 'sorry it's short' at the end of each and every chapter. It would be much more satisfying to have only a single update every week or two with a longer chapter than for you to continue as it is.
Also, the plot seems weak. Maybe you plan on a plot twist, like it being so bad that he must go to the hospital of some life-threatening disease. But if so, that should have happened a bit earlier, in the third chapter or so.
Remember, this is not a flame, it is constructive criticism. I really do think that this story could go places, and I want to help you so that it can be satisfying, and improve from this standard.
| Ted 9/4/12 . chapter 3
| Akiya 9/1/12 . chapter 2
I love your story! Please update soon! Can't wait!
| YoloBaby 9/3/12 . chapter 3
| broadwaysgirl143 9/2/12 . chapter 3
So I think this fix is really cute there were 2 small things that caught my attention that I think you should take into account, 1 is tje length of the chapters, if you combined all three of our current short chapters and added a little bit of a cliff hanger like his temperature was... Leave us hanging it would be a much better story then it is already. Another thing was you called a thermometer a temperature which I knew what you meant so if you wanted o use the word thermometer again now you know how to spell it. I hope you don't think I'm being rude these were just a few suggestions to make the story better. All in all though do far it's really a good idea and really cute I hope luke gets better soon and maybe next chapter will be a bit longer like maybe he's playing video games and starts throwing up who knows. Anyway this is really cite and your doing a great job :)
| EyeoftheCobra 9/1/12 . chapter 2
I'm sorry, but I must agree with Sparklieefairy. This is more like a drabble than an actual story. :/ You need to make your chapters longer (as in more than just 200 words), and you need to be more descriptive. Like, for example, instead of just saying Luke looked sick, descibe exactly HOW he looked sick. Like this: Luke glanced up at Jessie with dull, glazed-over eyes. They lacked their usual mischievious gleam. His chocolate brown hair was tangled, and his normally cheerful face was pale and tired looking. Jessie frowned. Luke was indeed very ill.
See? When you add description to a story, it also adds length - which will improve your story tenfold! I believe this story has a lot of potential. I hope this bit of advice helps. :)