|Reviews for The Clerics' Redemption|
| damnationSUSHItruck 9/18/12 . chapter 1
I am speechless...
And just thoroughly impressed, SERIOUSLY.
THIS. IS SO. BRILLIANT.
There are so many amazing, good points to this story of yours, let me find somewhere to begin!
Your writing style is absolutely effective. I love the narrative quality of it, and you are an amazing battle-script-writer. Very detailed with the fight scenes, with the gore, with every character's movement, and you very vividly described everything, to the tee, I say! I was very capable of imagining every single thing you tried to convey with the story, the action, the sheer real-time, everything was done very well. :)
It's difficult coming across writers such as yourself since it's an awfully strenuous task to put this much effort into literature. But you've done it so well, really, amazing effort. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this, I would love to see more from you! :D
| XepherFlame 9/3/12 . chapter 1
From what I read, I say that you're a pretty good writer. The action is feels fast and frantic, the characters are established enough that they have a set concept to them, and the plot is enough to stand as a one-shot, which is good for a prologue.
You do have some problems with grammer, like for example in one case you typed "should of" when it should have been "should have," and sometimes you could, though not completely necessary, to use colons and semi-colons. It doesn't hurt the story when you use those; in fact, once you use them correctly, you'll probably want to use them often, but it can help the story nevertheless if used well. Also, you should try looking up what "misplaced modifiers" means, as well as how to use "commas" to emphasize things, since they are something most people have trouble with.
I enjoyed the story so far; it's pretty well-written and structured. I do think that some things could have been portrayed differently, like with Vilor's backstory. I get that you're explaining his reasoning for his hostility against hollows, but it felt like you mentioned it because it was convienent to, rather than doing it in a substantial way. Again, nothing wrong with how you did it, but it felt like you missed the potential to do something better.
Other than that, it seems like you're doing a good job of it so far, and for the things you aren't, you'll eventually come to learn it over time when you develop your writing; When I first started, my writing was a mess, but as I kept on it, it gradually got better; I even managed to have my own style of writing. As for you, you're starting out great for a first fan-fic (You can read the first chapter of my first fan-fic to compare if you don't believe me :P).