|Reviews for Another Road|
| darkin520 9/6/12 . chapter 5
Hmmm...I find Nathan's reaction upon seeing Robert to be kind of OOC. I really didn't expect him to be so cold and almost shun him the way he did when Robert told him of McGath's orders. I don't care how angry Nathan was; I just didn't see him being so angry that he wouldn't hug him or anything. Professional or not, Nathan always let his emotions rule him, and I think he would have showed some emotion. I just felt that scene was a little off, IMO.
And you hit another pet peeve of mine. Nathan was NOT psychic. A psychic predicts the future. No one on seaQuest in ANY season was psychic! Wendy was a telepath and an empath. Nathan had latent telepathic powers. You could even refer to it as PSI abilities or ESP, as you've done, but I will NOT accept psychic because it means something completely opposite.
But with that said, I do find the fact that Nathan is developing his abilities more very interesting. Funny thing though...you'd think he'd have picked up on Robert being alive, hm? I also find it interesting about Jackson and her love of science. I can't wait to see McGath's reaction. I'll be reading more, but I do kindly ask that you change the psychic thing. Thank you. :)
| darkin520 9/6/12 . chapter 4
So, are you completely writing Hudson out as well? And what about Robert? I'm still curious to what his story is. And I notice you use seaQuest a lot, especially in this sentence: That means if they could find SeaQuest, her life would be changing dramatically, as her commission to serve upon SeaQuest was still in her record so if they ever found her, she'd have to leave her home in Pearl Harbor.
Maybe you could use some pronouns? I just had to read that sentence about five times...and it just seems like too many seaQuests...lol. Anyway, I guess I need to jump to the next here. :)
| darkin520 9/6/12 . chapter 3
I'd really like to see some more background on Robert here. I assume that will come out in later chapters, but where the heck was he before seaQuest disappeared? And what about Michael? Also, it's NORPAC, not Norpac. Guess I must jump to the next to find out.
| darkin520 9/6/12 . chapter 2
Hmmmm...I must admit some slight confusion about the use of the Pearl Harbor base in this because of this being third season. But it is your AU; plus, I forgot to mention, you should probably put that in your summary to let readers know. Jackson reminds me a lot of Katie. Was that intentional? No matter as I liked Katie, obviously. Anyway, I'm jumping to the next. Better job with your punctuation and dialogue in this chapter. Well done. :)
| darkin520 9/5/12 . chapter 1
Well, I decided I had time to read one chapter. First, I'm not a huge fan of stories without Kristin. She is my favorite character, and I just have a hard time getting into a story that doesn't feature her, that is unless the writing blows me away. You're not a bad writer, but there are technical errors:
A groggy voice yelled out into the darkness "Ouch! Watch where you're walking!".-It should read: A groggy voice yelled out into the darkness, "Ouch! Watch where you're walking!"
"Dagwood has you Commander Ford" Dagwood said, holding his friend.-It should read: "Dagwood has you, Commander Ford," Dagwood said, holding his friend.
"Thank you Dagwood" Commander Ford said, patting Dagwood on the arm.-It should read: "Thank you, Dagwood," Commander Ford said, patting Dagwood on the arm.
"I'm happy to see my friends again. I thought you were all dead" Dagwood responded sullenly. -It should read: "I'm happy to see my friends again. I thought you were all dead," Dagwood responded sullenly.
Also, seaQuest should be italicized, as the proper name of a UEO submarine. And I did glance ahead. It's Arthur MCGATH, not McGrath.
I would be interested in continuing, even without having Kristin in this. But I really suggest cleaning up the technical issues. We're kind of sticklers for proper writing in this fandom, and the ones who have problems don't tend to be very successful. Your story premise is interesting, however. I'll be back to read more soon.