|Reviews for New Life, New Rules|
| taramisu100 5/8/13 . chapter 7
I'm not sure if you realized this, but Angela called Danielle 'Bella' in this chapter. But I really like this story and I hope you decide to add a new chapter soon!
| Peyton16 10/3/12 . chapter 8
It's always good to get both viewpoints. I like what you did with Paul
| littlemissobsessed 9/15/12 . chapter 5
THIS IS AMAZING! KEEP WRITING!
| Peyton16 9/14/12 . chapter 3
Good chapter. More please
| andemarie16 9/14/12 . chapter 2
I wonder how Danielle's first day of school will go... Who will she meet? Will her and Jake get together? Hm... And the most important how did Bella get her bruises? I can't wait for a new chapter!
| andemarie16 9/14/12 . chapter 1
Great first chapter! I like your detail :) I can't wait to read the next chapter!
| TheBloodyWhiteWolfxoxo 9/14/12 . chapter 1
Alrighty, I've put some time aside to review for ya. :D I'll try to be helpful while pointing out the good in the fic. :D
To start with, OC fic, and you don't start with "Hi, my name is Danielle, I am 17..." so 10000 points for that! You had a great start with the explanation not being focused only on the character, but the background. That was interesting enough for me, but more picky readers like something else in the start. Dialouge, action, or just a description of the setting can interest more people faster, especially those picky ones that read the first paragraph and then decide if it seems interesting or not.
In the beginning, I wasn't sure of Jake. Jacob Black, or OC? For other readers, early clarification is nice so they're getting the right picture from the start and it is another one of those things that can trigger interest.
The introduction about the first few months is a good one that shows that there was trouble. It also showed some character traits when you mentioned that this Jake started off sweet then became abusive - very realistic. I also got the impression that Danielle sticks with her emotions; telling him no, then being set on staying a virgin until she gets older. The emphases on 'he' and 'him' in italics also emphasizes that this is a bad person that the character is trying to forget. Well done with that.
The end was also a GREAT closer. Many authors have trouble with the end of chapters, especially the first. It led nicely into the story and ended the chapter surely - Danielle will be starting her new life now. The length of the chapter was short, but the details of the chapter made the length set a nice pace. :D
As for improvements... the spelling and grammar was pretty good. I think that you've self edited, which is always very appreciated. :D I would say that you might want to use Danielle's name once, just so the readers learn the character's name without the "This is Danielle's POV" as showing is always better than telling. Maybe you could put a couple line flashback after you talk about the abuse where Jake uses Danielle's name and show Danielle's emotion. That could also show the extent of the abuse as well. Since this fic is rated M, it's acceptable to add that in as readers are expecting that mature-level detail and are prepared. :D
The difference between canon characters and OCs would also be nice. This isn't Jacob Black, is it? Jake still could be him, though. Indirectly stating his last name would be nice as well. Rebecca also - Rebecca is canon and a character, Jacobs sister. Is this Rebecca Black? Making that clear indirectly would be nice too. Just like you told us Danielle is 17 without instantly saying she's seventeen, some last names would be helpful.
Other than that, I think some action or something to set up the mood of the story in the first paragraphs would help. Not much else to say, because there isn't anything else to improve on.
| DA Whisper 9/14/12 . chapter 2
I like it so far keep it up :-)
| Peyton16 9/14/12 . chapter 2
Very, very interesting. I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work.