| Reviews for Neville Longbottom and Fate's Turmoil |
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lemsv 11/20/12 . chapter 1Hi, promissing start here but really need a second chapter to get a better opinion. This chapter is simply too short to say anything. Anyway, thanks for sharing. Hope to read you soon |
whirlwinds of watercolours 9/26/12 . chapter 1The sentences are a little awkward, and there's also a few punctuation errors. Some lines are two long, like the first one. I would suggest you break them into a few, so it would look like: [As soon as Neville slayed the head off of Naginia, he was hit with two nonverbal curses by two different Death Eaters. As everyone was still shocked by the scene before them, nobody saw the unexpected curses coming at Neville. When everyone realized what was going on, the light side cried out in alarm, wanting to help Neville but not knowing what to do.] |
Guest 9/14/12 . chapter 1 interesting |
Vuraangreg 9/14/12 . chapter 1Want to know what happens next! |