I'm really enjoying your revised version - good stuff.

Wow - this is much better! First two chapters drew me in - exciting and engagaing with some nice characterisation such as:
I looked over, and saw Leanne Aim, then look away.

"Leanne. What's wrong?"

"There's...children.."

nice to see the issue of zombie children being tackled - it's often neglected. will keep reading and see how the rest shapes up.