|Reviews for The Rookies|
| Kaelin 1/10/13 . chapter 2
A psychic pokemon for a starter and for Naruto no less? Sasuke took 2 pokemon from professor? I wish I can have an Eevee as a sterter in the game. I only hope you are just lerning and it will be better later. Do not get me wrong, you story looks nice and it will be interesting to read more, but your start gave a feeling you are going to give best pokemon for Naruto and/or Sasuke and will do your best in story for one of them with everyone else left out.
It will be interestig if Sasukes Eevee will became Umbreon and Sakuras Espeon. It will have some sort of simbolism
| The Keeper of Worlds 11/18/12 . chapter 4
Good god...JUST HOW CRAZY ARE YOU MAKING THIS JUNK!...let me guess, somebody related to Naruto or Sakura in this world is either a Pokemaster, Gym leader, elite four member, or champion somewhere too huh!?...Jeez, this is AWESOME, yet so confusing as well!..Please update soon!
| Legendary Biologist 9/29/12 . chapter 1
I'm familiar to Pokemon, but quite blind about Naruto fandom.
First of all, you've set everything into a suspense, which can easily hook readers to your story. And Sasuke's last quote is interesting.
However, you lack of the description. State how the environment looks like, then describe the battle scenes in details. These will make the story more 'alive', so that the readers who aren't familiar to the fandom can at least know a bit about the character and get hooked.
Hope this helps, good luck!
| ReadingBlueWolf 9/29/12 . chapter 1
I know the pokemon fandom, and I know a bit about Naruto. I think it's an interesting set up so far. I like the amnesia premise. Even though I don't know a lot about Naruto, I'm interested in the whole "I wonder who I brought back to life" comment. That can always lead to some good times. And I like the pokemon you're going to use.
| Verran 9/28/12 . chapter 1
You have the beginnings of a suspenseful story here, but without knowing who these characters are it was quite difficult to understand what was going on in this opening chapter.
A few things to think about -
Who are your characters? Actions and facial expressions will help define their personalities, as will some physical description.
Where are they? A basic description of their surroundings will help give atmosphere to your story.
Who/what are they fighting? What does the fight look like? Although you give names to adversaries, powers and weapons, just a few words explaining what they are and what they look like will bring the action to the mind's eye.
A reader will never be able to see what the author sees unless the description is there. Adding a little more in these areas will bring your story to life.
| The Bitter Kitten 9/25/12 . chapter 1
Hi! So I have no real experience with either fandom in this crossover, fyi.
I will say that your dialogue is pretty solid. The characters who speak have distinct voices and they sound fairly realistic. There's a bit of "calling my attack" that I'm not sure is part of the fandoms or not.
You have almost no description here, and that's not good. I can't visualise what the setting is, so for readers, your characters are basically talking into a void.
Your lead-in is also a little thin. Why is it special that Naruto and Sasuke have teamed up? Are they good fighting partners? Do they get along, or are they fighting each other as well?
Why is this enemy so dangerous? What do they all look like? What's the environment look like? Are they comfortable fighting where they are? What are they fighting for- ie, why is Madara an enemy?
What's sage mode, and how is it different than Naruto's regular attacks?
What's a Jubi? How did it 'die', and why is it bad that it's coming back to life?
Also, when a character is addressing another, their name is set off by a comma, like so:
"Sasuke, what can we do?" said Naruto.
"Nothing, kid. We're doomed," Sasuke replied.
So, Naruto is stuck in this void place. How does he feel? Does he know what's happening? Does he try to fix it?
Who is Kurama, and why does he know what's going on? Where did he come from? Also, if Sakura doesn't know who Naruto is, how does she know that he has amnesia? Him not knowing what a pokemon is doesn't immediately say 'amnesia'. Amnesia is no memory. Retrograde Amnesia is no memory /before/ whatever happened, and anterograde is you can't form new memories /after/ the event.
You won't need to rely so much on speech tags to get emotion across once you start describing how the characters are acting.
["I thought he was dead!" Naruto whispered, slightly loudly.]
Describe him here. Is he wearing a shocked expression? Has he stopped short out of suprise? Since he's exclaiming this, a slightly loud whisper doesn't get the emotion across.
Some things to think about.
| Rainhealsme 9/25/12 . chapter 2
Hey, hey. I'm back to review chapter two for you. :)
I thought it was little strange that Sakura would be younger than the boys. I'm actually starting to think that the universe really has been thrown out of whack. Either that, or Sasuke's estimating skills are off. But, the one thing I do love about this universe is that Sakura isn't love struck, and I really appreciate that being a fan of her character. Now, the readers will be able to learn more about her character (from your perspective that is) without the crazed fan-girl side. And, I can't really imagining Naruto (canon Naruto that is) reading anything unless it was a comic or someone's diary, so seeing this little twist to his character was refreshing.
Speaking of which Naruto's choice of a starter was rather interesting. Sasuke and Sakura's partners however, were a little over done. But, this can always be changed as they progress in their journey. Overall, this was another great chapter and I look forward to continuing! - xXKiraUzumakiXx
| sirensoundwave 9/25/12 . chapter 4
Err...just a semantical thingy i guess. When I played Pokemon on gameboy (well red,blue, yellow, gold and silver) I never bothered with kakuna or metapod til after I beat the game. Why? Because they were flippin useless till they evolved and were easy to faint because they could barely move. In the anime, they can't move at all. I'm glad he caught it but I just don't see how; he'd have better luck usin' a rock...or Abra. Then again, Pidgey are kinda easy to catch.
Pointless rant over. Nice job so far, update soon.
| SkywardDiamond 9/25/12 . chapter 1
I don’t know anything about either fandom, so unfortunately don’t know any of the characters or terms that are being used. A story such as this with scant detail is obviously meant only for people familiar with the fandoms. It’s possible to draw people in who are not familiar with it, though. I would suggest giving some explanation in the beginning as to why this confrontation is happening. A little description of the characters goes a long way, especially when a reader has never seen them.
“Naruto and Sasuke have teamed up temporarily because of a common enemy, Madara Uchiha. They were currently losing…”
Tense shift from present to past.
Make sure there is a “,” after a quote. As in: “Hi,” the man said. Not “Hi.” The man said.
“Tons of sage mode clones attacked Madara who easily blocked them.”
The entire chapter is all tell and no show. Be sure to add some description to go with the events. I’d suggest adding some details like facial expressions, portraying emotions with description, etc. The chapter is very ‘he did this’ or ‘he did that’.
Also, putting thoughts in italics without quotes is a more effective way to help a reader distinguish between dialogue and thoughts.
Hope this is helpful somehow!
| JuMiKu 9/25/12 . chapter 3
"Well no duh. We're in a world of little monsters with magical powers. Of course it won't be normal." - I personally think, the more pressing oddity Naruto would find would be that there's no chakra.
By the way, congratulations Naruto! You caught one of the few Pokémon without attacks. Of course you might say that Kakuna retains the attacks it had before it evolved, but that's only the case for a trainer's Pokémon.
| JuMiKu 9/25/12 . chapter 2
Naruto would have at least complained about having to read and no professor would hand out Abra to beginners for just this reason. The first Pokémon is handed to you for protection purposes, so giving the trainers one that needs to be leveled up first with a different Pokémon defeats the purpose of a starter.
Apart from this, I like this story a lot so far.
| sirensoundwave 9/24/12 . chapter 3
Oh, the Dobe and the Teme are gonna go nuts.
| glowing neon 9/20/12 . chapter 2
This is awesome! I like the way you stay true to the characters, and the plot is really fun to read too.
| Rainhealsme 9/19/12 . chapter 1
First off, I want to say, that I'm very happy to read another Pokemon/Naruto crossover here at the Rlt. Next, I wanted to point out that the idea of Naruto and Sasuke teaming up was a great idea. A cassic team indeed. Though, I would have minded if the entire team was there during the battle, including Sai. But that's fine. The idea was original a very interesting take on the battle between the characters. Speaking of originally, Naruto and Sasuke waking up and to mention younger in the world of Pokemon really takes the cake. I know for a fact that crossover archieve if full of stories where a battle breaks out and then they wake up to new world, but I like your twist on the common plot best. Really, you deserve about twenty more favorites/alerts/reviews just for that.
The only form of concrit I could give you would be about the use of the characters' names. I thought that you used them pretty frequently, but all in all, I loved the first chapter and I look forward to reading more. :)
See you in Review Tag! -xXKiraUzumakiXx
| persevera 9/19/12 . chapter 2
I liked the one pokemon choosing someone himself. The time discrepancies between the three characters is interesting. Is Naruto starting at a disadvantage? His friend has two pokemon and he only has one, whose apparently more cute than effective