Please update this!

I actually wanted to do a story like this, but in my version Hiro was gonna be the son of amane and (chaos) abel. With the D2 world being a creation Abel made for his amusement and to have someone be his opposite (god). I wish you really well, and I hope this is gonna be a harem story, with Hiro and all the delicious ladies of Devil 2.

Anyway now for the critique the story flows ok. But I suggest that you utilyze tenses such as past tense. Yeah, it might not be gramatically correct but it is alot easier to read and understand. Ex.

You wrote. "It has some chains attached to its silver colored body. Or is it gray in color? No matter"

If you had written "It (beldr) had some chains attached to it's silver colored body. Or was it gray in color. It didn't matter...

See it's a little easier to read and sounds more natural. For the demon speech, umm, maybe utilyze bold or parantheses to signify action, and try to desrcibe a little more. I mean yeah, Luci would one-shot Beldr but for future fights try to show like, a bufu spell blasting against Lucifer's wings and then he turns to the offender.

Stuff like that. Sure it won't happen in the beginning, but later on when things really open up.

Well good luck and hopefully the story stays good.

Sincerely
Blackout2010

woohoo! this is too exciting! more please! xD