I really like it. The flow is easy too follow. Look forward your next chapter

Nice attempt.

But seriously the personalities and characteristics are wrong and it seems you have failed to capture the essence of the characters of the book, its clear from your writing that you are concentrating on the love story over the rest, but when writing the key element is to maintain the correct personalities as that is what defines them overall.

examples:
- Captain Mapstone destroyed a letter from the king to Karigan because she felt she could not let the love grow between them because of the kings duty to his people.
- Zachary loves all his people, but would not personally go and speak to each individual, he would also not scare them with what is to come.
- Estora had felt guilty but jealous as well, she had mixed feelings because she was friends with and I don't even think she knows how to scowl.

I find the best way to properly portray characters is to reread the elements you want to capture as you write your own developments. It is a thing that needs to be worked on but it pays off.

Anyway, I did enjoy your story even though I was sad about the character differences, and good luck with the rest.

Please wright more.

You need to write more!

Love it !
Please Update sooon !
Can't wait till the next chapter !

If you're going to write one of these you have to finish it! Otherwise they're still apart, and that's what you're trying to fix, right?

I hope you write more, it was very good so far.