|Reviews for Lords of Shadow|
| wareagle884 4/11/13 . chapter 1
Interesting beginning. I'm glad to see someone else taking a shot at writing a LoS fanfic. I want to encourage you to keep going. I find the idea of someone traveling with Gabriel very interesting. I would especially like to see just how the presence of another person might alter the way he handles the different situations he encounters. I find Gabriel to be one of the more intriguing characters I've come across recently in video games so I'm glad to see that you are exploring what could have happened had he gone on his quest with a companion. Keep it up. I would like to see more.
If I may offer a couple of suggestions, you might try spacing your lines apart a bit more. This is more of a cosmetic issue than anything, but I find that stories are easier to read when the lines are spaced apart more often. Also, I noticed several sentences where I thought that a comma would have really helped. Commas are great for giving sentences a slight pause, almost like taking a breath, and can help to give the reader an idea of just how the sentence is actually supposed to be read.
These are just some things to consider. Like I said, I'm intrigued by the possibilities of what you've done here and I would like to see more.
| SuperiorDimwit 11/21/12 . chapter 1
I hate to be the first... especially with only one chapter to go on...
So, I have no idea where your fic is going. :P One chapter just isn't enough for me to tell anything: which is why I will urge to write more. I wish you would write more anyway: writing doesn't have to be about getting response. If you love the story, or just want to have fun with it: write it. I love Gabriel's character and the heart-wrenching story of LoS, so I silently mourn that there is so little fiction written about him. Even if I'm just one person, it would make me very happy to see a third LoS-fic on here.
Have you heard the expression "it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you say it"? It's a very good thing to keep in mind when writing, but even more important if you are the kind who includes a lot of description in your work. Description is good because it creates a backdrop and an idea of what things look/sound/taste/smell/feel like, but there are many ways of creating that backdrop.
The true art is showing the setting without people even noticing you're showing them. Describing garments is one of those things that can become tedious, or clash awkwardly with the mood. (When your village is about to get run-over by supernatural beasts, you don't tend to pay that much attention to strangers' wardrobes, if the quiver matches the bow, or how thin/thick a guy's armor is.) Rather than give a detailed account of what s/he is wearing, it can show "naturally" during transpiring events.
"Garbed in a full cloak the only thing visible to the peasents was the pristine bow etched with silver with matching quiver across the back and two schmitars adorned the slim waist."
It would sound more "alive" if the villagers noticed the moon gleaming off the silver of the bow once she raised it to shoot (strikes quite the dramatic image, too? it also makes a sudden, sharp distinction in level between this archer and "common" archers that can hardly afford metal-encased bows). Or to see the glistening raindrops dance off the scimitars like sparks on a blacksmith's anvil once she pulls them out from underneath her cloak (which you describe later on: making this rather limping introduction above superfluous).
"The man-for it had to be a man for no other reason than his very presence screamed order and complete submission-walked forward between the peasents and their small circle."
Now, this made me smile a bit. I recall vividly when I played LoS for the first time and saw Gabriel dismount in that scene, and the first thought that went through my head was "...holy crap, he's at least seven feet tall! 0_0 Just LOOK at the dude when he's standing next to that villager!" And his shoulder-width would disqualify him from entering through doors except sideways: chest like an ale-barrel... I'm not denying he's got an intimidating air about him, but I think it's quite impossible to identify him as anything else than a man (alternatively a golem) just by looking at his build. It's a good description, though: it interacts with the surroundings and doesn't slow down the pace of the storytelling.
What I think I'm trying to say is, don't let description impede the flow. Charlotte and Gabriel are on a mission, with no time for stopping to be admired or scrutinized: the description has to "keep up with them", or it will lag behind and slow them down.
Thank you for increasing the amount of fics available in this fandom with 50%. :P I keep my fingers crossed for seeing another chapter up!