|Reviews for The Daily Grind|
| ReinSohma 11/29/12 . chapter 1
Parts of it were a bit ooc. Most of it seemed rather in character though. I liked it. It was entertaining. :)
| chozowarrior 10/22/12 . chapter 1
| Swords Divine Light 10/15/12 . chapter 1
This I just.. there are no words. ewe in a good way that is ajshknsdf
| ARandomDay 10/15/12 . chapter 1
Classic. Although, wouldn't the dude have just pressed the trigger?
| Insomniac By Choice 10/14/12 . chapter 1
So, I really like the concept here: Samus versus a guy with a beef who essentially becomes a terrorist.
But, I have to say you get there really, really quickly in the first two paragraphs, and to me it's much too quick. If you wanted to keep this fairly short, you could do so but throwing us into the situation and revealing what's going on gradually, through little snippets of exposition or through dialogue.
(Example: "Is Assistant Manager Ryan still with us?" the bounty hunter asked me curtly through the intercom. I glanced across the room where my former supervisor sat in his chair, chin resting heavily on his chest. "Yes," I answered. "He's got six holes from a plasma pistol in him, but he hasn't really moved anywhere since I shot him.")
I don't think that's a very good example, but I just mean you'd rather communicate all of those facts indirectly rather than say they happened.
If you weren't opposed to expanding it, I do think it's worth showing the actual interactions where Droog is getting dressed down for his mistake and laid off, to make us sympathetic to him a little bit more. Maybe it wasn't really his fault, or maybe others had made the same mistake before and gotten off easier, that sort of thing.
But the actual progression of action with the dead man trigger is a very good one, and that is mighty good irony: the three-armed fellow discriminated against for having an extra appendage getting it broken off of him.
(I'd tone down Samus' last lines a bit to make it less explicit, but I agree with the sentiment entirely.)