|Reviews for Oppressed Memories and Ambition's|
| ChocolateTeapot 12/23/12 . chapter 3
Nice chapter! The action scenes at the beginning are very tense. The details conveyed in the second half are interesting.
Some of sentences don't sound quite right to me, but I can't really put a finger on it.
Also, you sometimes spell the monsters Nighstalker and sometimes Nightstalker.
The description is pretty brutal, but I think that was what you were aiming for. The dream-like part at the beginning is pretty good too.
| ChocolateTeapot 11/30/12 . chapter 2
This chapter is pretty powerful and the end is very good. It really succeeds in conveying the atmosphere of the place.
Some sentences read a little weird, but it doesn't get in the way of comprehension.
Daniel seems like an interesting and quite realistic character. I like his interaction with the reporter.
| ChocolateTeapot 10/16/12 . chapter 1
The idea is really great! The world sounds pretty interesting and very frightening.
However, there are quite a large number of small grammatical mistakes. They don't make the story unreadable, but they are annoying.
I also think the first paragraph is a bit too long. Perhaps it would work better if there was a paragraph break after Caldwell's speech and another after the information about the Esvians.
Finally, I think it would be better if the way numbers are written was consistent. As it is, it isn't clear why some are spelled out while others are written in Arabic numerals. Both ways are fine, but the way they are mixed is awkward. I'm not referring to the numbers in the lists of their armed forces, which should definitely remain in numerals, just in the story text itself.
Please don't be put off by my criticism, I hope you continue this!