|Reviews for Sweetest Downfall|
| drugstorecowgirl08 11/2/12 . chapter 5
Great chapter! The tension is building... I love how you give both Jordan and Emma's POVs.
| Jody Barsch 11/1/12 . chapter 5
"I'm sorry," he finally said. But he wasn't.
And was she supposed to be able to sleep now?
Won't ever be able to picture Jordan as any kind of clown though :)
| Jody Barsch 11/1/12 . chapter 4
Love the lyrics at the top of the chapters, and most of the bands you're using. Love the song "Ask." Really liked this line in particular, "I've seen some of the worst things parents do to their kids." Don't know if its necessary for the friends to have a history of abused friends.
"She had a Black Flag t-shirt, Red Converse and those fucking tight jeans. He wished she would just once have some dorky t-shirt, like Take That or just something shitty. But she never did."
"She didn't have a pity voice so he decided answer.
"Hey! Look at me!" She sounded pissed and he was surprised and did as she said. "You've got nothing to be embarrassed about." She still sounded pissed, no-one had ever said that to him in that voice. They've used the pity-voice but not this one. He liked this one a lot better.
"Thanks." He wouldn't but it was nice of her to say it."
| Jody Barsch 11/1/12 . chapter 3
The story is coming together nicely. :) Some more moments that stood out as strengths:
"He hadn't even known that was possible.
He was overdoing this. He knew it but he couldn't help himself.
Liked the talk between Ethan and Jordan about seeing Emma
and Jordan had no fucking idea what he meant.
"Has she used pencils to put up her hair?" Shane sounded confused."
"He heard Shane's questions like it was far away, it took him a while but he finally answered while still looking after her. "She did it in English."
"Hook, line and sinker," Shane laughed as he walked away.
Jordan looked at her. 'Favorite book'. He hadn't read an entire book in his life.
This is why he didn't do girlfriends, they noticed shit like this.
"I'm sorry." He wished he knew what to say and he wished he hadn't asked. He shouldn't have asked her to tell him that."
| Jody Barsch 10/29/12 . chapter 2
Enjoying the story (though sad to hear everyone calling Rayanne a slut)
Some great moments that stood out to me:
"You're staring." It was Shane, leaning next to him against his car.
"At Emma, you're staring." Jordan tore his eyes from her and threw down his smoke. He turned to Shane who had a big smile on his face. It had been three weeks, and he knew he was staring, he just hoped that no-one had noticed. But of course Shane had.
"Doesn't matter, she's out of my league and a friends little sister. I stay away from those."
"Into her much?"
"Like I said. Doesn't matter." Even if he could be a boyfriend, he wouldn't be able to let anyone that close. There was just to much he wouldn't be able to tell a girl. And girls asked questions, he knew that. They all fucking did.
On his way inside, he passed Cynthia, "Sixth." I was all he said and it was all he needed to say. She'd be there.
"Is this where you go, when you can't sleep?" Stupid question, of course it was where she went. That's why he'd gone there.
Naked and wet and... shit, boner.
Her hair was down. Great, as if it wasn't bad enough already. Could she at least keep her hair up.
| baellu 10/27/12 . chapter 5
You rock! I am so greedy...More please!
| drugstorecowgirl08 10/26/12 . chapter 4
Lots of good things happening here, from Laura and Jordan's interaction to meeting Ethan & Emma's dad (so glad he is a fictionalized character, by the way). I like how Ethan has sort of given Jordan his "blessing" but Jordan starts to feel more insecure as the stakes go up.
| baellu 10/26/12 . chapter 4
Loving it so far! Can't wait for more!
| drugstorecowgirl08 10/18/12 . chapter 2
I'm liking this, very imaginative. I love Angela of course but she can be a bit intense so I'm liking this AU you have created without her. The tension between Jordan and Emma is building! Looking forward to seeing what you post next.