|Reviews for Hugo Cabret|
| tylerj1 1/8/13 . chapter 1
Thank you for you review I found it very useful and it was not negative at all it was advice and I appreciate that.
| TheBFG 12/29/12 . chapter 1
Not bad. Not bad at all. I like the idea very much, and the story is pretty good. It is a dream, after all, so anything can happen. It's good how you are willing to change the original story and twist it to make it your own. I believe your other reviewer was just being unreasonable.
There are few grammatical mistakes; you may want to check the proper use of commas, for some places could have had a semi-colon instead. There are several run-on sentences. For example, put a semi-colon after "there's a boy on the tracks" in the second paragraph. I'd also suggest putting an exclamation mark after "brakes" in that quote. Also, in the third paragraph, "could this be the end of Hugo Cabret" is an interrogative sentence, so you should probably put a question mark after that sentence. You may want to check the rest of the story for these little things (run- on sentences, correct punctuation, etc).
Isabelle's godfather's name is Georges, not Gorges. His last name is Méliès (the first e has an accent aigu, while the second has a grave). "Stain" should be "stained" in that same paragraph, as it is an adjective.
Next, we need more details! Pull us into the scene, instead of just telling us what happened. I'll give an example from the middle of the second paragraph...
"...It was a man on an incoming train shouting wildly, "There's a boy on the tracks; pull the brakes!" He repeated his words over and over like a madman, his eyes wide and panicked. Hugo wanted to move, but it was as if he was glued to the rough, gravel- scattered floor; he couldn't budge an inch..."
I think that will also make the story much longer, while making the experience of reading it more enjoyable.
Finally, I like your last paragraph a lot. In fact, I would emphasize it even more, shown below...
Hugo awoke with a start. It was just a dream...
Or was it?
That last part, "or was it", is important. Bring it out, and make it stand out! That one half of a sentence (or less) adds so much more to the story, so make it seem important.
I hope I didn't say too much; it may look like a lot of criticism, but the main parts are very well done. The story, while faithful to the movie/book, is new and refreshing. The movie didn't show what happened to Hugo in the dream. Nothing, I think, is left out. The reader has no question about what happened in the story. Figurative language, which is always welcome, was used now and then. In summary, it's a good story with a lot of potential. Keep up the good work!
| tylerj1 11/15/12 . chapter 1
Thank you for your review Jesus, I am always grateful for suggestions. I would appreciate it if you can elaborate your comments further so I fully understand what you are alluding to. I was attempting to literate just one scene from the film/book but with a difference (the magic!). Have you read the book or seen the film? It would be interesting to know if your views developed from views with knowledge of the said book/film or if you read this as a detached entity thus not enabling you to have an understanding of the context.
Thank you again, I will remember to consider to 'pork' my stories out more in future.
| jesus 11/9/12 . chapter 1
this was utter ponsy naff awful story, it needs more bacon.