|Reviews for Laying It All Out There|
| Vampcoffee 1/28/13 . chapter 1
I was so glad to see names at the beginning. Other 'all-dialogues' I've read have quickly become hard to follow. I did need to back up and make sure I was right on who was saying what but that was only once. The two characters had very different voices and there's a very good sense what they are both feeling.
Westphalen is very forward which makes me suspicious. I suppose that is a trait of a captain but then why is the captain seeking to be romantic with one of his crew? Seems wrong to me but maybe that's just part of the show?
"I suppose I wasn't being very fair to you." The captain is redeemed here, at least somewhat. I was starting to not like him so good job on portraying a personality well enough to be disliked. As for Kristin, I think her dialogue about being vulnerable could be reworded. Unless she really is in tune with her feelings and would say it directly like that, decide for yourself. Description doesn't apply here since this was for a challenge. I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors. You really did make these people speak in a real way without being extreme or cartoons. You also avoided melodrama even though Nathan is just a hair over the top with lines like "I refuse to believe that."
| mirage24 11/8/12 . chapter 1
Aww so sweet! You convey their apprehensions so well that it could be anyone (first relationships, relationships after a failed marriage, etc) that it could be anybody but it is SO clearly these two. I never got confused as to who was speaking which, even though it's alternated every other line, can still happen. Once again, and lovely job :)
| SkyWideOpen 10/31/12 . chapter 1
Disclaimer: no canon knowledge.
I've never read an all-dialogue piece before, let alone written one. So I must admit, this was quite a new experience for me. What I was on the lookout for, mainly, was whether I felt that the dialogue alone allowed me to fill in the gaps that are usually filled by the prose. And for the most part, I did. I clearly felt Kristin's vulnerability and sense of loss, and Westphalen's deep, genuine concern but obvious attraction. The undercurrent of "strictly professionals" against the quite obvious personal bond the two share was very nice too. I was also quite surprised at how easily I was able to infer tone, mood and atmosphere purely from dialogue, which is quite a credit to your writing skills.
The only thing I did feel I lost from it being pure dialogue - and I strongly suspect this is inherent to the very idea itself, so there's really not much you could have done about it - is that it was hard to naturally get a sense of where the pauses were in the dialogue. Natural dialogue is full of them, of course, as they give space for the characters to think, consider, explore etc. etc. The ellipses do help, but only to an extent - there is a lot of "blurriness" in that there's a lot of "context" about each pause which goes missing. Again, I suspect this is inherent to the fact that this is pure dialogue so there's really not much that could have been done.
All in all, very interesting and creative scene.
| RedheadedMarina 10/30/12 . chapter 1
This is a very sweet story, and a good perspective on communication. You're right, sometimes it is easier to say things when you're not looking at the other person's face. I think for Kristin and Nathan, who have to be so concerned about protocol and professionalism, this was a very organic way to give them a chance to be more up front with each other, while at the same time meeting the challenge in a unique way.
One bit of dialogue that stood out to me: Nathan says "I don't want to rush into anything, I'm not one for casual relationships" and then he immediately repeats "I don't like rushing into anything." I can see what you're going for; it's different to not want to rush, and then to say you don't like rushing. However, it came across as a bit redundant to me.
With no descriptive lines, only dialogue, you still manage to paint a beautiful picture. Well done.
| Sierraoscar154 10/29/12 . chapter 1
Taking a small break from "Remember When" to look at this one. So, our good friends Kristin and Nathan are not time travellers, from what the dialogue here indicates. Basically, one big "Awwww..." throughout the entire story here, and that's perfectly okay considering what I've seen of these two in your previous stories. Still love it though, since the dynamic between these two is really well done and all. Not too much to the setting here, though gee, I wonder *where* it's taking place, so that's pretty good. Anyway, good job working an entire story with just dialogue only, and again, good work.
| Legendary Biologist 10/28/12 . chapter 1
Congrats on completing the challenge! Well, this story has got the somber (early) and warm (later) atmosphere although there's no narration. It is quite surprising to know about Kristin's divorce, and she being skeptical about trusting Nathan, though it ends sweetly with Nathan comforting her. Such a lovely relationship between Nathan and Kristin!
Just a bit of confusion:
0730 - I think you mean 'seven-thirty'
Overall, the story is nicely done :)
| ReadingBlueWolf 10/27/12 . chapter 1
This was so cute! And I liked that you went into Kristin's past for it. The feels were awesome! And even though it looks like nothing might have come out of it, they are at least on a common ground and understanding of the others needs. It was really great! I think the fact that you accomplished such a great one shot with words only was truly amazing. It really worked with this deep subject. While maybe them being in the room would have provided more feels, for me, it's better that they weren't and you couldn't see anything. It really pulled you into the subject matter that was amazing. I love this and I love you!
| IrishPanther 10/24/12 . chapter 1
I honestly loved this one-shot you've posted here! I really didn't know how Kristin lost her husband and now I know (if that's even mentioned in the canon), and I'm so glad to see that they decide to take things slow, as well as Nathan getting that huge weight off of Kristin's shoulders with the conversation! To tell you the truth, the title fits this story to a 'T'; it describes Kristin opening up to Nathan about why she is scared about starting a relationship and opening up to said reasons. No grammatical errors were spotted, so nice work proofreading! Once again, I truly enjoyed reading this wonderfully written story! )
| SkywardDiamond 10/23/12 . chapter 1
The radio conversation is a brilliant idea, as narration really isn't needed for something like this. Neither character can see the other so little details like facial expressions and gestures don't really need to be mentioned.
I thought this was really cute, and gratifying in a way, because in your other stories I've read (at the point where I am, anyway) the romance has yet to begin, so I'm always waiting for it. This story gets right down to business, and Nathan's finally like, "I want you." Even though she's hesitant, she's receptive of him and open to the idea. I like that she has a reason for being so hesitant -her failed marriage- and it's not just for no reason at all, because too much hesitation just for the sake of it would get annoying. Not saying that's what this character is doing, just the opposite.
Anyway, I like that you utilized this challenge to write a missing scene for one of your stories. Most challenges that I take on, that's probably what I'm going to do, as well, or at least relate them to my main story.
You write fast, as well! I was like WOW after you had this ready in such a short time. Impressive...
Wonderful job. You write dialogue well, and I had no trouble following with no dialogue tags.
| MessengerOfDreams 10/22/12 . chapter 1
You passed with flying colors. It's a pretty basic approach but you make it work for you with a great read with perhaps my favorite ship I know nothing about. :P I'm impressed; great job!
| Mathisblu 10/22/12 . chapter 1
This is what we should have seen on the TV show! That is so possible And cute! Good job.
| SQAddict 10/22/12 . chapter 1
| The Death Frisbee 10/22/12 . chapter 1
I'm framing this in the form of a few questions, since 'all-dialogue story' is a common - and useful - writing prompt in university creative writing classes, and so I know the criteria that have to be met. Hope this is useful to you!
So my first question with this was: Can I understand who's speaking at all times? Yes, I can, so the conversation makes sense and works without the dialogue tags. Good job on that, especially as Nathan and Kristin aren't terribly different speakers from one another (compare it to, say, Sherlock and John, as a for-instance where the speakers would be immediately identifiable through diction). So the fact that I could keep track of the conversation despite that lack of difference is well-done.
Second question: Are there any unnecessary methods used, ie repeating the characters' names 50 thousand times? Nope; seemed to work on that front without feeling like they were going 'Nathan. Kristin. Nathan' at one another, back and forth.
Third: Does the conversation wind up somewhere different than where it began? I think so, although there isn't as much of a definite resolution at the end as perhaps I had expected. Nonetheless, it doesn't feel like they were talking just to talk; there's an obvious purpose and point to the fic, and so that works, too.
If I were nitpicking, I'd suggest maybe finding a way to differentiate the two speakers a little bit, if it's possible. Don't make it so that one of them stammers and the other talks very crisply, but if there's a saying that one or the other of them has, or a particular way of phrasing questions, or what have you, maybe you want to work that in so that the reader can more easily keep track of things. That said, I didn't lose the plot or become confused for more than a line or two about who was saying what, so where done there.
Hope this is useful! SPAG follows.
space after ellipsis after 'Sshh...', and I'd normalize the spelling to 'Shh.'
on the table, as it were
if... things needed to stay
overcompensating - one word
I know... and discretion - too many ellipses around here; remove a couple
meet you for breakfast?
0730 - Spell out, 'seven-thirty' or 'seven hundred thirty' or 'half past seven' or whichever.
| MadameGiry25 10/22/12 . chapter 1
"But I didn't realize until then how important you were to me." If this were mine, I think that I'd probably remove the "But" because it seems unncessary.
So much Nathan/Kristin goodness! I felt like the lack of dialogue tags (which I know was part of the challenge) was a little distracting, but it didn't detract from the story. Rather, it forced us to go by their words, rather than their actions.
I really liked the way that they had to face what they are missing in their life and how they can help each other get over the separation.
This was really cute. All of the Nathan/Kristin loveliness! Too cute! I could definitely see this happening in the episode. And it should have happened. -nods-
Well done, darling!
| Dominus Tenebrosus 10/22/12 . chapter 1
No pun intended my- /shot
Heh, I agree with her, face to face is better... But, that'd require something other than dialogue, wouldn't it? ;)
Heh. Good explanation why.
Yes, be honest. Open. Clear that air.
I sense jealousy. ;)
Heh. Definitely jealous. Better be a but, yes.
Yes, he's happy.
Heh. Here it comes.
A bit awkward over what is essentially the phone, but eh.
What is she holding back, hmm?
Why she crying?
Heh. Distance from the issue lest you do something you think you might regret? :P
I think she'd probably have choked on him, honestly. Swallowing people whole is difficult.
So blame him. Not your fault.
Nothing wrong with you, dearie.
Ah, trust issues. Relate, I can.
Give it time, that's what you should do. *nods* At least everything's out in the open.
Heh. Not fair, but understandable.
Not rushing is good. *nods*
Everything's aired out now. :)
Heh. Breakfast date!
Well, that was definitely sweet. Even if nothing exactly happened... Yet. Definitely leaves room for something else to happen later. Pity there's probably not going to be a sequel... Heh. Though maybe you could work it into another story. *nods
Either way, good stuff. And not an ounce of description either! *thumbs up*