|Reviews for Aftermath|
| Miss Savvy 11/13/12 . chapter 1
This is exceedingly well-written. I think you captured both Hannibal and Clarice perfectly, and your portrayal of the "kitchen scene" is one of the most interesting and realistic ones I've had the chance to read.
"Distantly, she wondered if the warmth of his body was the last thing his victims had felt before their demise."
By the way, THAT quote blew me away. You'll be making countless writers jealous, wishing they had thought it up. Wonderful one-shot all round!
| allofmysecretfantasies 11/3/12 . chapter 1
I really like the big paragraph at the start, you portrayed Clarice and the way she thinks really well. Can I just suggest that you split it into two or three smaller paragraphs instead of one big one? It makes it easier on the eyes and readers won't try and rush through it.
I think there's a bit missing from the start of the line after the big paragraph. Is it mean to say 'Lecter's feelings'?
Can I suggest that you change 'across the country' to 'across the world'?
"Her back impacted with the reinforced refrigerator door. With her senses impeded by whatever medication she'd been administered, Clarice found herself helpless against his terrible strength.[...]" LOVED this whole paragraph. I love the bit where you describe his strength as terrible and powerful hands.
"Distantly, she wondered if the warmth of his body was the last thing his victims had felt before their demise." Though that was pure genius, such an interesting insight. Never heard it before in a fic. Brilliant.
Don't think that the 'sharp' in "sharp teeth" is necessary. It would be better if you just said 'the outline of his teeth'. Sometimes the lack of description adds to the image.
I like how you have made Clarice come to hate herself. It is like her to judge herself so harshly because she values her job so much. Great portrayal again.
At the end of the paragraph about her self-hate, there is another tiny mistake. Is it meant to say 'Dr Lecter's alleged feelings'?
Though it is well written, I don't think that the "He cannot love, she reaffirmed.[...]" paragraph is needed. You have already established Clarice's suspicion that the Doctor cannot love, and the readers will remember it, I don't think the repetition is needed. If you didn't want to delete it, you could maybe take a few sentences and add them to the paragraph about him not being able to love earlier. Also, without this paragraph, the flashback returns faster and I think that's what the readers would want to hear.
"When the cleaver hit the countertop, Clarice was sure that her hand had been taken from her. After a few seconds of closed eyes, when she realized that she could still feel her hand, Clarice [...]" Be aware of unconscious repetition. I do it all the time and so do most writers, it's just a case or proof reading. You have said "Clarice" twice very close together. Just say "She"
"Let me run, he had said. Could it be that like Clarice, [...]" Loved this bit.
Can I suggest that you put "Let me run" in italics and with some ellipsis? Like "Let me run. . . " It just makes it more mysterious, like a voice in her head.
Loved the bit about the running shoes, great portrayal again.
Yours is the first Hannific that I have read in a while and I am glad to say that it was really great. I hope the suggestions weren't too much for you but the purpose of this site is to help as well as entertain. Feel free to ignore my suggestions, they are just my opinions.
I can not wait to read more of this. I do hope they meet again! Don;t keep me waiting too long, will you? Feel free to PM me a reply to the review.
| Grymmarie 11/2/12 . chapter 1
Very nicely done. I enjoyed this, the thoughts and feelings and her smile at the end felt like a perfect fit. Thank you so much!