|Reviews for Neverland: Part 3|
| Riley111 4/10/13 . chapter 18
This ending gave me chills :)
| Riley111 4/10/13 . chapter 17
I loved those scenes with Hook and Peter. The way you described their battle had me on the edge of my seat. You are an amazing author.
| Riley111 4/9/13 . chapter 16
Wendy can't go back, she just can't! :(
| Riley111 4/9/13 . chapter 15
I love Peter and Wendy's little romance :)
| Riley111 4/9/13 . chapter 13
THis is an AMAZING story!
| panfan06 3/12/13 . chapter 18
This was a beautifully written adaptation of the peter pan story. You melded the original with the syfy series remarkably - staying true to details of each and the language of Barrie. This was the most well-written fan fiction I have ever encountered. Congrats on a job exceedingly well done.
| Aria 3/1/13 . chapter 18
Oh my gosh that was the most amazing fanfic I ever read! Honest! I could literally see the images in my head! It was incredible, great job! :D
| Daphne 2/26/13 . chapter 2
Amazing, I'm glad that you writed this.
Send to the director and maybe there will be a sequel?
| Fiberpunk 1/28/13 . chapter 14
I am really enjoying this fic, I'm so glad you used the book as your primary source for the plot instead of some other adaptation, and you often get the style of the book really well. I also love your Wendy, she is so much more interesting and useful then the original (I liked the book, but I always despised Wendy, she was such a wuss.) However, it is not like you just created a completely new Wendy, your Wendy seems like what the Neverland 2011 Wendy would have been if it had continued.
I am reviewing at this chapter because I loved your sugar-jar brain analogy, that was really well done. The mermaids are also excellent, I like the idea of them as flesh-eating, they're sort of like sirens were initially (although if I remember correctly sirens didn't eat people, just lure them to their deaths.)
I think your use of Peter's innocence is interesting, I kind of expected something similar in the series when he lost his memories, I thought it would be more permanent, making him more like he was in the book. And... that didn't happen, so I'm glad your fic explores that.
I have a few fairly minor complaints: mainly your continuos references to the British characters' British accents, which I think is kind of a pet peeve for me, but my reasoning is that the book written from a British perspective which would make the differences of pronunciation unnoticeable. Especially when it seems to be more from Peters perspective than anyone else's, most of the time, the pronunciation would seem normal to him, so when you draw attention to it it seems awkward. Also you have a few grammar mistakes, such as the use of "non-tamed" which is not a word. Sorry I spent so much space on my gripes, I really think this is a very good fic, I was just trying to explain myself.
To sum up; This is a good story with interesting ideas and a nice grasp of cannon, it made very satisfactory continuation just as I was wishing for more Neverland. Thank You for writing this :)
| jjhatter 1/23/13 . chapter 17
This chapter is, by far, the best part of the story. Not that the rest wasn't good, but this battle...just fantastic!
I must admit, though, Peter's constant taunts got a tad irritating; I know he's a tease and an imp, but does he have to rub it in about how "It's Hook or [him] this time?"
...Oh, well. That was really the only major problem I could find. Still a marvelous fight scene, and a good story. Bravo!
| Eponine Rose the LostGirl 1/21/13 . chapter 14
Ah, I see Peter does the Charlie Rowe eyebrow wiggle in this chapter! Nice touch, fellow rowebot.
| Aytheria 12/16/12 . chapter 18
Well, I thought I'd drop a review. This is one of two readable stories for the Neverland fandom (which is unfortunately, truly. It was SUCH an amazing movie. Almost better than the story of Peter Pan itself is the journey to becoming him :D) and so I pretty much devoured it in one go. XD
Anyway, my thoughts on the story: It was an interesting idea. I liked some of the small touches you added in about the dust, though I found that you sometimes neglected to keep the consequences of them in mind (apart from the 'innocence' part, of course, that was very thoroughly acknowledged!), like for example, at the beginning of the fic, Peter feels sick outside of Neverland, but there is no mention of it the other few times he goes back. Things like that. Or was that intentional? If something changed, I'd recommend just dropping a hint about it next time. Just to get us thinking!
Second, while it was interesting having a retelling of Peter Pan with Neverland influence...well, to be honest, not much about the story changed. Not really. The outcome was still the same, same basic plot, etc... Not to say it wasn't good, because it was, as I have always enjoyed the story of Peter Pan, but do I think it would quite a bit more intriguing to write a /new/ adventure, don't you think? Or perhaps focus more on the transition period between Neverland and the adventure with Wendy...things that are as of yet left to imagination and mystery. That sort of thing.
Lastly, a comment on writing style. I have a suggestion for your future writing, something I noticed cropped up throughout the fic quite frequently. Throughout the story you comment often on people's nationality, i.e. "The British boy" or "his British accent" or mentioning the sounds his "British accent" makes when Peter speaks.
Now, consider: you're writing a story about British children, set in Britain. Imagine if Peter Pan were set in the USA. In the USA people have different accents, and mentioning if someone has a 'southern drawl' versus a 'yankee accent' is usually the extent of noticing such things, right? And then you'd notice it maybe once or twice, but mentioning it more than a few times would be overkill, because once you've put the idea in the readers' heads they can imagine the accent well enough on their own as they are familiar with it...but...as an American, interacting with another American, you don't ever think of that other person as "the American boy/girl" or "his American accent". It's simply the way they speak. Maybe you might note they sound southern or Valley girl or New Yorker, but other than that, you'd never think about it. But you don't ever define people you speak to at the local grocers as 'oh, he sounds American'. It's just not something that would even cross your mind, right?
So, as a matter of being realistic towards the point of view of the characters, as British children, Wendy, Michael and John are not going to comment that Peter is a 'British' anything. Because that's commonplace - everyday. Just not something they would notice. They would, admittedly, probably note that he has a gutter accent a few times, that he bites off his consonants and chews his vowels. They may note that one of the Lost Boys sounds like he's from Liverpool, that Jimmy sounds Welsh, etc... just like an American might note that someone sounds Southern or Californian, etc... but, anyway, I'm sure you get my point.
Of course, as an American (and yes, I can tell, it's the spelling, some words...we don't say 'bangs' for example, but 'fringe' ;P) you'd think to emphasis to other American readers what Peter sounds like, but since you're writing from Wendy's point of view in these instances (or from Michael's or John's, etc...) it's something they're /not/ going to make repeated mention of and thus not something that should be repeated more than once (and also, again, it wouldn't be considered "British" but "cockney" or "gutter-rat" or "lower class", and Wendy and the Darlings would have what is called a 'proper Queen's English accent" or "upper class" accent...there was still a huge class division in victorian times in England, most noticeable by accents).
Right, well, now that I've flogged that poor horse to death, just want to say that you are otherwise a very talented writer. There were some beautiful sentences in this fic that I found most inspiring. Very lovely choice of diction and descriptive prose, keep up the excellent work in that regard! Just be careful of repetitive description, as I think that might be something you need to work on a little more :)
Hope I've been helpful and much thanks for the lovely read. (also, if you have any questions or anything, please don't hesitate to PM me)
Hope to see more Neverland fic from you in the future!
| NJ7009 12/6/12 . chapter 18
I can't believe its over! I am gutted :'(
Please, please, pleaseee... let me know when your other story it out. This story is the best of the Neverland and the Peter Pan category. No exaggeration.
| NJ7009 12/3/12 . chapter 17
Gheees the was long...
I loved this chapter, it was soo darn good. I especially loved the way how Curly was to one to save Aaya. So cute :3 Good couple you created there ;)
However (and I can't believe I am saying this since I will never be able to write this good) there is one thing wrong with this chapter. How the Lost Boys, Aaya and Tinkerbell weren't very involved this chapter. I kinda imagined that the Lost Boys would all have something to say to their old mentor who wanted them dead. Not just Peter. I know Peter was the closest but I am sure they all hate him enough to want to kill him themselves. Also, Tinkerbell was barely mentioned at all and Aaya was only focused on in the beginning of the chapter. That was the only problem though. The rest was AMAZING
Update soon please. This is such a good fanfic. It is hard to believe this even is fanfiction its so good. This could be the plot line of Part 3 if they were to ever make a part 3.
Please update soon.
| White Cat 12/1/12 . chapter 17
Congradulations on another great chapter. Now first off, yes, I have read J.M. Barrie's original novel and I agree its a great novel and I love it. But personally I also feel that the novel was very pre-1960s beyond G Disney-like with some of its fantasy plots. Such as a group of children overpowering an entire crew of experienced and hardened pirates? The movie has lots in common with the book but I see one major difference - in the book the relationship between Wendy and Peter reads as plutonic whereas in the movie you see pre-teen romance. Neverland goes one step further in reaching a more PG/M-rated mini-series that attempts for more realism despite being a fantasy - it borders more on science fiction like Avatar (eg Peter can fly because he's infected with an alien mineral dust).
Yep, having said that, this is what I thought:
When the boys, Wendy and Ayaya were captured you did a great job of telling the individual reactions - you did great justice to the miniseries.
I liked how you chose to tell the story with less disney-fluffiness (such as Wendy choosing to sacrifice herself and Peter not bursting into flight the second he was kissed) - again you did a great job of telling the Peter Pan story with the Neverland interpretation.
In regards to the romance between Wendy and Peter - well done on portraying a more selfless Wendy that takes into consideration what Peter has gone through with Jimmy.
In regards to the action sequences - well done on building suspence with your pacing. But come on, where was the Neverland twist on how the boys overpowered the pirates? Great storytelling yes, :) I only mean, were you going to explain how they did it?
In regards to the Peter/Jimmy dialogue - it shows that you have done you research. And I like the way you tried to tie up those intriguing plots of Jimmy & Peter's mother/ Peter & Wendy...
All in all I look forward to the next chapter and can't wait to see how you tell the story of Wendy's departure from Peter - I'm expecting lots of angst :)