dear god. so. f***ing. painful.

Pretty dang good! Keep goin'!

its good but it needs more words in a chapter i can understand you are new but its well

Well, not bad.

Just please don't write the story in bold letters because it makes it harder to read (not that I have a problem with it I just thought I would tell you before someone else less nice tells you about it), and I think you meant Kotoro not Kyotaro.

But other than that I think you did a great job for your first fic (believe me, when I first started I was horrible, but I got better and better and I still am getting better).

Good luck with your next chapter and keep up the good work.