Wow... Sammich. I bet you're fun at parties (weddings in particular). To the author I would like to thank the author for taking the time to write such a great fan fiction.

Wow... wow... I am so happy I took the time to start Ascent I, its been two days since I started reading and I had a lot of trouble putting my pad down to go to sleep or actually doing work at work instead of reading this story. I finally finished at 12 last night and I have to say I was thoroughly disappointed that you had only finished a few days ago.
I now have to wait some time before I can start reading more of this story. I would recommend it to anyone to get them into fanfiction as it is a great series of books you have written here.
I love the struggle between Data and Lore, both feeling betrayed and the fact that you actually have Lore not getting along with everyone suddenly just because he suddenly knew right from wrong. I loved that the main crew wasn't just suddenly buddy chum with Lore, that some characters just couldnt give him a chance while other built friendships with him. Particularly enjoyed Chrusher and Troi's reactions to him. I enjoyed the lack of tolerance, the use of crew gossip, the grudges from just about everyone who had ever heard the name Lore(and those against Seven) from from just about everyone in the Alpha Quadrant. Too many authors paint the federation as such an evolved more tolerant place and seem to forget that there has to still be violence, gossip, greed and mistrust in the universe they are are working in as there are humans.
I also feel the need to comment on the fact that I didn't hate Anna, in fact I kind of loved her. Something that surprises me as I am very on guard with original characters, too used to them turning into Mary Sue I suppose. I enjoy that back story on her, especially in II where things have not been so rosey for her since Lore has faked his own death.

I very much hope that you continue in Ascent III and look forward to many more stories. Thank you so much for such an enjoyable two days!

great story,im eager to read the third part!

To clarify, since it obviously wasn't apparent from my other comments, it is NOT the fact that "man" and "wife" are gendered words that I object to. It is the fact that the word "man" is not equivalent to the word "wife." It is "man and woman" or "husband and wife." The phrase "man and wife" harkens back to the bad old days when a woman essentially became her husband's property upon marriage. She became "Mrs. John Doe" and her legal identity was completely subsumed into that of her husband's. Nowadays we generally like to think of women as people, hence why more and more heterosexual couples are requesting the phrase "husband and wife" be used when they marry. It has nothing to do with gender. It's about both parties being seen as equals.

And yes, it's little details like that that will put a bad taste in my mouth. And sometimes enough of them pile up and serve to ruin the entire dish for me, as you might say. I was able to more or less take them in stride in part one, though the attempted rape was a big strike against it I have to say. And now with part two being taken into account, I'm sorry to say that these little insidious details have piled up to the extent that yes, I'm having trouble enjoying the actual story and writing.

It is not my intention to start an argument or to turn the review page into a discussion board, and as I feel I've explained my initial objection adequately, this will be my last post. I do wish the author the best of luck with her future stories, it's just that it's unlikely I'll be following them.

i just have to say to Hamm, after reading your critique - What exactly do you consider good fanfic? If the minute details in this story were so unbearable, I can't imagine that there's much you do enjoy reading.

I completely support constructive criticism. By all means, the only way we improve is to have someone point out our errors and weak points. And I also consider myself very liberal and progressive. But to be so hung up on the "man and wife" line? In the specific weddings when the line was used (Miles/Keiko and in this fic) it was ACTUALLY a man and woman being married, and so it was appropriate and not offensive. Did it ever occur to you that there's a chance in the future, when all manner of gender and species unifications are accepted and celebrated, that they simply use whatever line is appropriate in each specific situation?

There are things worthy of critique, and there are times people get so hung up on irrelevant details that they miss out on something awesome.

Will this story be up as a pdf like the first one?

I'm not saying you would have had to come up with a gender neutral way of saying it. "Husband and wife" would have done just fine. The "man and wife" line from the Miles/Keiko wedding bothers me too, but at least I can kind of blame that on the fact that the show was written 25 years ago. I can't do that with your stories unfortunately, and using the excuse that it's canon doesn't really wash with me when it comes to such a small non-plot relevant detail. The canon itself is far from perfect, and I don't see how adhering so strictly to the contradictions and bad examples it sets makes for a stronger story. In my opinion it actually makes it weaker. I'd think that keeping with the spirit of an enlightened, egalitarian future would be more important than following canon down to the letter. It just strikes me as missing the forest for the trees.

I thought Ascent I was good. Not great, but a fun way to spend a couple afternoons. But the more I read of your work the more the little things like this bother me. I kind of had to force myself to finish part two here, and I don't honestly know if I'll bother to read part three when you get around to posting it. Chalk it up to personal taste I guess.

A note on the wedding scene. I searched for ST Canon examples of human weddings. The only one I found was the marriage of Chief O'Brien and his wife. During the ceremony, Picard does say "Man and wife". So, I decided to go ahead with that instead of trying to make up some gender neutral 24th century version that no one would recognize. ;) -LG

Oh come on guys...this story was freaking awesome. Fantastic ending :D you are an incredible writer, especially in something like fanfic, where it can be so difficult to continue at times. Kudos! I am completely addicted to this story and can't wait for more. I'm sad for more character torture...but that's what makes it so good! The tension. And Bee missing! Ready your phasers, we're going in! We're coming Bee! And on a more pleadingnote...PLEASE don't kill Data again. That's just too much... keep him in Maddox's lab for a while if you will, but PLEASE don't kill him. That is all :)

"man and wife"? Considering that a lot of people in the here and now consider that phrase outdated at best and pretty dang offensive at worst, I highly doubt it would still be in use in the 23rd century.

You're not a bad writer by any means and obviously have a talent for long, engaging stories, but it's little details like that that keep me from truly enjoying your work, despite how much I want and try to. Maybe I'm just too much of a damn liberal.

You are a fantastic writer. I hope to see more from you. I do sort of wish the initial story with Teni had have continued into a new love interest and separate story line though, rather than rehashing the whole Anna thing - which was good in its own time, but feels a bit drawn out as you get past the mid-half of the story, at which point I sort of realized I was skipping a lot of dialogue because I had become attached to the Teni story line and had almost no interest in Anna's return to the picture.

I dislike how Teni was turned into this bubbly little annoyance at her re-appearance in the storyline. I liked her character in the beginning.

Okay, I have read both parts and all I have to say is this: Hurry up with part 3 please! I love this story, it is so well written. It's a wonderful story and continuation of Lore's story

Aww! I can't wait for part 3!

Nice ending. The whole wedding was fun to read. I especially liked Lore's speech.
Also, very good story in general.

Bee is missing? Oh no!
I am looking forward to part III, whenever you are able to start it. :)

Poor Bee, having both his brothers telling him to do different things. And it must have been scary when Data took over. But it was necessary, and knowing Bee, he'll be back to his usual cheerful self in no time at all. Especially since he's probably ecstatic that Lore is back and will help Data.

"You have always been arrogant and reactionary."
The first thing Data says directly to Lore since he 'died.' Much more believable than if he had said something about missing Lore. And Lore should feel special, he's the first one Data really talked to. Of course, that was just because Lore doesn't listen very well, at all, and Data needed to get his attention. Oh well.

Almost nothing surprises Lore, at least not enough to get much of a reaction, except the idea that people would help him.

Anna's family showed up again. :)
"He had known this was going to be rough, but he had hardly expected to actually be terrified."
I guess that's what happens when you face Katherine Hall's wrath.

Lore found his purpose, good for him. And Data's even on the list.

Things are finally looking up.
...At least until the sequel. *looks at you hopefully*
...Now I feel bad for basically wishing more bad stuff on Lore, Anna, and the rest. *sigh* haha

Did anyone actually bring up the fact that Bee is in danger because of Maddox?