Great story! I really enjoyed it!

this is beautiful i wish they did this

This is such a great start to a story, I hope you plan to continue it. :)

Great story! And beautiful explanation, it doesn't seem unrealistic, you did absolutely fantastic expecting to see more fanfiction from you ;)

Hey you!
I like the idea of the story, it isnt very realistic, but thats why we call it fanFICTION, right?! There were some little mistakes, but they dont matter that much. I am not that familiar with the comma rules in UK and USA, maybe their different, so I cant say anything about it, its just not how we in Germany would do it... Anyway, I hope my review was helpful to you it was really good for a first attempt!