|Reviews for Fusionfall: The Knowing Chapter 1|
| AnimeGirl 144 11/11/12 . chapter 1
It's an interesting concept (especially with the Galactic KND).
It would benefit your story if you broken up the block of text into smaller paragraphs, aswell as moving the speaking line to it's on section. Ex:
Dexter asked Computeress to leave him alone and the boy in the transmission showed Dexter that since they had gotten Planet Fusion off Earth it was now headed for the sun and could eventually consume it with the large amount of fusion. Dexter thought that the boy was crazy; he thought that Planet Fusion was like a tiny ball heading for a hot ball, but when the boy showed him what it could do to the sun it shattered Dexter's resolve. He saw Planet Fusion headed at the sun at roughly 110 MPH per hour, and it was starting to change the sun's rays into fusion matter, beginning to consume it.
Dexter looked at the screen and the boy said, "If you do not stop Planet Fusion from entering the sun, it will grow so big from the Planet itself was generating and the sun's rays that it would consume the sun and plunge the whole solar system into darkness and chaos."
| tricksk8er 11/11/12 . chapter 1
Hey Nic. I have no idea what a fusionfall story and all the other stuff. But I read your chappie and it's really good! Awesome job Nictheawesome! XD