I loved the fic, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!

I'm sorry to say this, but it was really awful to read, the story moves too fast, too much dialogues, too much repetitions, the emotions of the characters are too shallow and it's not truthful to the characters.

But on a good note, you have some really good ideas, but they need to be extended and depth. )

I think you've got a great idea going here... maybe flesh it out a little bit? (And it would be easier to read if you spaced things out a bit :)

Omg love it! Cant wait for next chapter!