|Reviews for In Search of the Past|
| Guile Mustang 6/19/13 . chapter 5
Sorry for the super late review for this one. Well, I come with a good reason: I complete Chrono Trigger first before reading so I can get the maximum fun for reading this! Guile's voice is extremely clear, and in character. Also, I like how Kid being a brash girl, shouting most of the time, while Serge tries to stay cool and Guile is commenting in his mind.
Packing everything in one review...
I love the part after Magus' amnesia (heh, got my DS emulator kickin'), he finally meets an elf, who's the leader of the Magic Guild. Also, that first chapter serves as the reason why Guile joins Serge and Kid to Viper Manor: judging their usefulness! LOL, how cunning you are, Guile! XD
Oh, Guile, that's your hometown, don't you get it? And that blue-haired girl is your dearest... Oops, will be leaving too much spoilers if I immediately say everything here. I love, love, love the chapter when Guile saw that blue-haired boy, and what that girl told him. I know who they are, and analyzing that scene makes everything really, really interesting and very well-tied to Chrono Trigger. Really, Guile, you gotta listen to her: think about that little child first or... Nope, I'm certain who that child is, so if I speak now, I'll be leaking out spoilers again.
Stinky barn, no wonder, there are lots of dragons! Dragon-feeding! Yeah, dragon is not furry, good that you realized it, Guile. Even if it is purple, that dragon is not the little Alfy you know! Good that your view on Kid is slowly changing, Guile, because you have to know that she is... No, I'll keep my mouth shut to prevent more spoilers!
Ambiguous in the early parts, but I find out that analyzing is so fun! YA HAFTA UPDATE SOON, LEGENDARY BIOLOGIST!
| Ular Tua 6/17/13 . chapter 5
Good, just trip that Kid to silence her, Guile! She has been so noisy all this long! Good that Guile also knows that he has been dreaming all this long. Yeah, he's smart, killing all the guards so that they can easily sneak into Viper Manor. Serge is a nice person, and Guile's view on Kid slowly changing is great. Hmm... I feel like maybe Guile and Kid are the main focus here later on? Just guessing, and I'll stay tuned of course! Update soon!
| Ular Tua 6/17/13 . chapter 4
The dragons! Yes, the dragons! Oh, well, got too excited...
Dreaming again, Guile? Why don't you just directly vent it to everybody? HAHAHAHAHA! That sneeze is very well-written. At one side, I want to 'YUCK'! Another side, I chuckle. Yet another side, I say 'uh oh...'! Yeah, I guess Guile still has his arrogance trait, underestimating Serge and Kid being just young teens... Still reading!
| Ular Tua 6/17/13 . chapter 3
Wow. Just wow. This chapter has the details, and the FEELS! I'm on adrenaline seeing the Moaman gaining the upper hand, but glad that Guile manages to defeat him. I don't know who that little boy is, and the girl, who keeps appearing. However, I have this suspicion after analyzing that sequence: the little boy is the young Guile, while that girl is Guile's sister. Dunno whether I'm right or not, but just let me speculate things more as I read, okay? :)
| Ular Tua 6/17/13 . chapter 2
Guile dreams too much, and good thing is, Kid can scream at him lol! Well, of course, Guile, counterfeiting is forbidden, and you must bear the temptation! :P Maybe I really need to play Chrono Trigger now, so that I can understand more! Hahaha, Serge and Kid are arguing just like a couple lol!
A suggestion: maybe to reduce the confusion, you can leave more hint about why Guile suddenly gets those visions after seeing Kid? Perhaps those who played Chrono Trigger wouldn't have any confusion with them, but this would be a good plus!
| Ular Tua 6/17/13 . chapter 1
Salute! This is a great idea, writing a novelization of Chrono Cross with Guile's POV. Hmm... I'm now getting interested with what Chrono Trigger is. This chapter is nice, and it serves as the reason why Guile joins Serge and Kid to Viper Manor. Heh, he judges things by their usefulness, eh? Also, I love the tiny bits about Magic Guild, which is (sadly) never explored in the game. Although the origin of Guile's name is weird, I still like it. Though may I suggest that the origin is placed later on? Maybe when Guile tells more about Magic Guild? Oh, yeah, faved and followed!
| guilefan 5/5/13 . chapter 5
Wow, I read it...in a go. I love how Guile becomes the main focus of this story. The tie-ins to the DS ending makes everything interesting, and I really hope that you'll update soon. Sometimes I just feel that Guile doesn't get enough love in the game... That's just sad. Would love to see how you develop Guile in the end.
| Anonymous 5/5/13 . chapter 5
My bad, how can I miss your update?! XD Thanks for the update! I really enjoy how Guile interacted with the other characters, and seeing how Kid being so annoying to him. Lol, Guile tripping Kid's down - a win! Serge is a nice person, while Kid is just like over the top, and Guile is being so patient, and has hope for Kid being a meek girl... Awesome! Once again, thanks for the update! :)
| DarkHorse26 5/5/13 . chapter 5
Gah, sorry again for the late reviews! Still busy, but just to live up the promise that I'm still active here, not only you!
I love how you subtly tie in CT and CC. Really, the biggest disappointment in CC is because of how much it's different to CT. Kid is so in character, despite that she is... Sorry, don't wanna leak out everything yet. XD You go Guile! You're really intelligent! Bring those guards down! Serge is just a nice person... I like Kid's constant barks to the party. So much like in Radical Dreamers... Whenever she knows somebody new, she just blah and blah and blah!
Don't worry if you can't update soon. I know how busy you are. Good luck for the coming exams! :)
| thats-a-moray 2/10/13 . chapter 2
I'm sorry to say that this chapter left me scratching my head a lot. I'll get into the specifics later. One thing you could do to lessen the confusion would be to make it explicitly clear when Guile is having a hallucination/vision, possibly by using italics or making the text stand out in some other way. You might also improve this chapter by adding more descriptive details. What's the town like? How about the island? What sort of mood does Guile's environment create for him?
"Instinctively, I conjured my staff. A red glow appeared on its forked tip, and lastly, a sphere of flame appeared. The fireball made its way through the air and hit the boulder, disintegrating it into dust and tiny rocks." This is a good example of a well crafted, descriptive paragraph.
"Together we walked along the walkway of the city, where there were people walking back and forth with bags." You used 'walk' three times in this sentence. Try to avoid using the same word twice, unless you're doing it for stylistic purposes.
"The buildings standing beside the street seemed to be moving on the opposite direction of my movement, but this wasn't a mirage. Neither was this an illusion. Nor was this a dream. It was just the law of nature." This really puzzled me. What are you trying to say here?
"For one moment I paused, and Kid's appearance slowly changed as she was dragging Serge away. Instead of seeing a blond girl in a red overcoat and miniskirt, I saw a girl adorned in purple robe, with her voluminous blue hair tied with a red ribbon." This is also confusing. Does Guile normally have hallucinations like this?
"So I flew away to a brick staircase, which led me to the shrine." You've mentioned flying twice now. I'm having trouble picturing it. How is he flying? Does he simply fly into the air, like Superman, or does he have wings?
The dialogue is alright but sometimes feels unnecessary ("Look! A boat!" "It's fun!").
"Even some of them were laughing." I think this should be 'Some of them were even laughing.'
"Actually I do have a business at Viper Manor." When he says 'a business' it sounds like he has a lemonade stand at Viper Manor. What he should be saying is, 'I have business at Viper Manor,' meaning he has a job to complete there. :)
"I could feel chills running down my spines." 'Spines' should be singular.
"I don't know about who that girl is." You can remove 'about' and this sentence will flow better.
"I'll find it out." You can remove 'it'.
"A series of thud followed it." 'Thud' should be plural.
Overall, I feel that this chapter needs a lot of work. After reading your first chapter my expectations for chapter 2 were much higher. Keep writing!
| Vampcoffee 2/9/13 . chapter 1
-All I could do was only avoiding her with a bunch of white lies- Check verb agreement.
-Alone in the darkness, without any source of light.- Not an error, just kinda redundant.
I noticed many of your periods and other punctuation have no space after them such that one sentence is joined with the following.
-Pathetic effort.- The artistic fragments proceeding this one are effective. This one, however has no meaning/isn't connected to anything.
The section on not knowing who his is, is well written. The questions he asks are sensible and the reactions are good too. It makes me wonder what I would do in that situation.
"I d-don't know… I don't even know who…who I am." I stammered.- For a proper speech tag, the full-stop after 'am' should be a comma instead of period. You've done it correctly in other places.
Your writing style is something I've seen only a few times before. There are many places where odd prepositions and phrases are used. Sorta makes me English isn't your first language. Not necessarily a bad thing, I could follow the story and tell what you meant. I can't speak on characterization but Guile is interesting. The other characters seem kinda throwaway but good overall.
| StormRex Lancer 2/6/13 . chapter 3
'but I didn't even open my eyes' - 'but I did not even open my eyes'
You described the scene where Guile continues to explore the Viper Mansion very well, and very smart use of words, like how you explain about how the wind feels like an invisible hand gently caressing you instead of just 'blowing gently', very good description.
The interaction with Guile, the boy and the girl is creepy indeed. The girl seemed to be her consciousness, as it taunted her that should she cared for herself, she will be able to find the boy that suddenly disappeared. And it's even more creepy when you made a twist at the end, that Guile was in a dream halfway through waiting for Serge and Kid, I totally did not see that coming, so nice transition there.
Solid chapter, can't wait to see what that creepy-looking girl is.
| Lady Paprika 2/1/13 . chapter 1
Before I begin this review, I must warn you that I've never played Chrono Cross and so I have no idea what the game is about or how this universe works. That being said, I'll try my best to review.
Okay, so here's chapter one. I think you set up the story pretty well. I feel as if I'd understand the significance of everything a lot better had I played the game, but even so, the emotions that Guile goes through are clear enough. Your beginning paragraph makes it look like he's an evil character quite possibly... That and the fact that fiends are usually evil? These are just guesses, but I do wonder what made him turn human.
I do think you could have made us, as the reader, feel a lot more alert to Guile's emotions. I can imagine that waking up with no recollection of who you are must be very frightening. It would be cool if you could've elaborated more on that emotion, thus making him a more relatable character.
that's all I really have to say. The old woman is curious - Perhaps I need to know more about Chrono Cross to understand why the old woman wants to know his story. Is there any particular reason? Anyway, that's enough for me. Good luck on your story!
| LilyEverlasting 2/1/13 . chapter 1
I'm not familiar with the fandom, first of all, so I can't say much regarding the MC's past. I don't know whether his amnesia is canon or not.
Some of your sentences are fragmented. While sometimes this is something you (and me) can get away with, don't do it so often. It can make your sentences choppy and affect the flow of the story as I'm reading. There were other minor fluctuations with flow of your sentences, but it was mostly due to that.
I like that you did this in first person, it's the best way to tell this kind of story. More personal. I liked the exchanges between Sir Guile and the fortune-teller who's so interested in his past.
Ah, so the abilities he learned from Magic Guild just allowed Sir Guile to hide his fiend appearance? Like a glamour? Or did he actually become human? That's one thing I'm a little unsure of. The encounter in the woods makes me think the human appearance could be glamour-like, since the man says: "fiends are so guileful that they can deceive humans!" That makes me believe that the human appearance is more of a trick, but the way Sir Guile hides his face might say otherwise.
Anyway, interesting. Good luck with your fic and your writing :)
| BlondieLocks 1/29/13 . chapter 2
You really don’t miss a beat, do you, Bio? That’s awesome, this story is such a perfect novelization of the game. I just finished a replay about a month ago, so the story is really fresh in my mind, and I really appreciate how you addressed literally every detail and nuance found through the gameplay, it gives for an amazing authentic experience for longtime fans of the game, and for great atmosphere for non-fans.
Your portrayal of Guile renders my attention again and again, and I feel like your grasp on his elusive personality is uncanny and commendable. I’m assuming that his ‘flashes,’ or what will you, have some correlation to Trigger? As obviously they didn’t happen in game and considering I didn’t recognize what was going on, I assumed it was because you’re playing off Guile is so-and-son (don’t want to spoil it for anyone) and so those tie-ins to Trigger will become a natural part of the story.
Either way, the mystery is intriguing and adds great depth to what could have easily turned into a blatant retelling of the story with nothing else to add to it. That’s a really nice element you added and I can whole-heartedly appreciate it.
A few precious moments were when you stopped to acknowledge the fortune teller, highlighted Korcha’s ridiculous accent lol, and even addressed the Viper Bluff water geysers! As a fan, I really appreciated all of this and for me, it just enhanced the feel of the narrative.
“Yes, the aroma was quite tempting as now was lunch time, but sadly, I couldn't create money with my magic”- This sentence here I loved because it was such a natural extension of Guile’s inner thoughts and really made him feel more relatable in his human-like qualities. For the most part, he is such a ball of mystery, but seeing this attention to the finer details of a person is so nice and much appreciated. It’s easy to forget he’s not human (well… your intro may stab holes in that theory lol) but peppering him with a dash of humor is a nice way to make him more relatable.
Great job, Bio, as always!