|Reviews for Honey Bee|
| MHEMHTT 2/26/13 . chapter 2
okies. first up your writing is good, it has room for improvement but it's still good.
however it feels like it's being rushed, maybe you could try pacing it out a bit.
but grammar and spelling are excellent from what i have seen.
i feel i have to address this though because it is bugging me.
i feel Daryle is kind of he finds her in the river for example. first off because he is quite knowledgeable in survival it is assumed he knows basic first aid. In basic first aid it is taught that when helping someone unconscious you never check for a heartbeat but rather the breathing as too many people have difficulty finding the pulse and automatically believe the person is dead. also one should check the airways. Also when he argues about allowing her to stay. it just doesn't seem like what Daryle would do in that situation. in that situation i feel he would have thought about the already members of the group rather than a newbie they dont know and has the capability of jeopardizing everyone's life
i find it difficult to believe that Jen would just pass out after a few days of no food. of course the stress and exertion of avoiding the dead may take it's toll but the human body can go 3 weeks without food and people may go for 6 days without food without passing out. it just kind of seems unrealistic
also i found the dialogue between characters was a bit robotic. again it just felt kind of unrealistic.
overall i just feel like you could have improved in places and that maybe you could have gone into more detail on certain events. eg. Jen falling in the water. you could talk about what she felt and about the environment around her.
and just one final note because i feel like im stretching this out a bit. Jen sort of, kind of feels like a mary sue without any faults what so ever. her whole characterization just makes her come off like that. it seems like everyone else has the problems/issues but never her.
| Fuchsia.Grasshopper 2/25/13 . chapter 8
Well Daryl was a little harsh, but it's to be expected from him and I don't think he would say those things intentionally, especially if he knew her background. Loving the frequent updates :)
| kioku7 2/24/13 . chapter 7
I'm really liking this so far! I just wish the chapters were a bit longer because this is so good! Can't wait to see more!
| Fuchsia.Grasshopper 2/24/13 . chapter 7
feeling a little nostalgic about old Disney movies now. I like her relationship with Carol so far and how she's really trying to fit in with the group :)
| opticon217 2/23/13 . chapter 5
Oh I like this! I think would do this pretty much because he always wanted to keep the group safe though I'm glad everyone else is fighting for her to stay. Hope she can prove herself yet, she seems level headed :)
| SilverAdvenger12 11/23/12 . chapter 4
Good update! More please!
| Fuchsia.Grasshopper 11/22/12 . chapter 4
Well, now you have my attention! I'm liking this different premise and I look forward to more!
| SilverAdvenger12 11/19/12 . chapter 3
Like the story so far. Although the chapters are really short! But I can't wait to see where you go with it!
| NamelessWildflower 11/18/12 . chapter 2
So far I am liking it. Keep on writing! :)
| AngelOfTheNight7897 11/18/12 . chapter 2
Please continue this story. I enjoy it, and you're not an illiterate fool; you write well.