|Reviews for Mark's Roundabout Contemplation & Reminisces|
| Lord Destroyer 12/27/12 . chapter 1
Aww...that was really nicely done, I've always like Lyn/Tactican pairing, and wondered how Lyn would have reacted when he was putting himself down while elevating the others, mainly Lyn herself. This is how it could've gone if they makers of the game had put in Lyn/Tactician in it.
Of course the Tactician would think Lyn would prefer her fellow Sacean if he were to think he didn't really matter much. Glad he was provern wrong here.
| Sacaen Knight 11/28/12 . chapter 1
You have a very good command of the English language. Your story and how you wrote it is very well done
| 1215396245749 11/26/12 . chapter 1
For a non-native speaker, your English is commendable. Better than some stories written by native speakers in regards to grammar and spelling. The usage is usually correct, you've got a good handle on syntax. I think the only thing that makes your writing sound foreign are the subtleties of certain lines or phrases-while they may be grammatically correct, there's usually another way to word what you'd intended and sound more natural. As with anything, this can be resolved through practice. ;D
The first line was jarring:
"In a camp somewhere, erected for rest." This is grammatically correct, but it sounds odd to me. Perhaps because 'somewhere' was added between the word being modified? It's a little hard to follow but after I read it twice I knew what you were trying to say. The camp was built as a place to rest.
"...By "that," I mean everything..." This line was really powerful! To any player of the game, it's readily understood even with little added information, nice work! I also liked the "specter, a spectator" bit a little further down. I love the comparison and connection Mark makes to the player/reader.
I notice you have many fragments as sentences, and perhaps that was done purposely, as much of conversation is in fragments, but in writing, full sentences are usually more accepted and fragments can be left to dialogue.
Overall, it's a lovely work, it's interesting to see how alienated Mark feels at the beginning and how at home he seems at the end. The relationship between Mark and Lyn was cute, if a little obvious, and his misunderstanding of her actions, even 'searching for Rath' showed this well.
| Gunlord500 11/26/12 . chapter 1
Another Jojo fan? Hellz yeah! I just started reading the manga, but I like it :D Anyways, I very much like this fic! At first, I thought the writing was a bit weird/awkward, but upon thinking about it, I wonder if that was intentional and you were trying to get across a bit of Mark's personality/state of mind. If so, I think it worked well :o :D