|Reviews for 25 Days of Gotham City|
| Rosawyn 12/21/12 . chapter 5
I can't say that I really like this, but I don't think it's really your fault. I like Batman and Catwoman, but I don't like the versions of them that this is based on. For example, the Catwoman I know and love doesn't wear black leather (grey spandex I think? I know Catwoman best from the Animated Series where she had blonde hair as well), so that sounds wrong to me, despite the fact that I know she wears that in many versions of her character. The black leather thing just makes me think of the Halley Berry version, though I'm pretty sure you intend this to be based on some version of the comics - perhaps which ever of the comics' universes included that infamous rooftop sex scene (the one Catwoman seems to be referencing here: '"You going to chase me across the rooftops? We get into a scrap, I end up on top..."').
I noticed a comma splice: '"What a mess, what is a girl to do?"' It's in dialogue, and I know most people don't really use correct grammar when speaking, but I'm pretty sure you can't exactly pronounce a comma splice. It should probably be, '"What a mess - what is a girl to do?"' or '"What a mess! What is a girl to do?"'
I was actually surprised that Batman operated on her shoulder himself. I would have expected him to get Alfred to do it, since I didn't think Batman actually knew much of anything about surgery. I assume he does in some version of his character, though. And maybe he didn't want Alfred to know Catwoman was there?
Sometimes I think it's far worse to be familiar with the characters but not with the specific adaptation that the fanfic is based on that to be completely fandom blind. This is where I am right now. I know who Batman and Catwoman are, in fact I feel I know the characters rather well. But I've never read any of the modern Batman comics that this seems to be based on, and so it all seems "wrong" to me. I keep thinking, "since when does Batman have an armored suit?" for example. And I keep thinking they're both ooc, but I'm sure they're actually both entirely in character for what you're actually basing this on. I actually like Batman and Catwoman as a pairing, but I still don't really like this.
I hate saying so much negative stuff, but I really didn't feel the ending was realistic, regardless of who the characters are. Catwoman's been shot and undergone surgery, but she somehow has the energy to pull herself out of bed and make out with him? Sounds, well, painful at the very least?
I did like some things about this, though. The banter between Batman and Catwoman here really worked well for me:
'"Curiosity killed the cat." A gruff voice said.
"Pfff," she dismissed. "how cliché. You think I haven't heard that one before?"'
:D I thought it was a bit clever, and it shows a side of Catwoman's character that I actually am familiar with: her snaky sense of humour even when she's weak/sick/bleeding all over the snow. :)
Oh, and I just noticed, that's another bit of SPAG: '"how cliché"' should be '"How cliché"' because it's the start of a new sentence (there's a period after "dismissed"). But those were the only two SPAG things I noticed, and the 2nd one I only noticed when I copied and pasted it for the review, so it didn't distract from the story for me.
| Her Royal Nonsense 12/21/12 . chapter 1
Your introduction was quite lovely. This was a very nice chapter and you provuded a bittersweet look into the life of Victor. Your descriptions are also very nice.
/Victor Fries found this very amusing, not that you ever see him laugh about it, after all the crimes he had committed someone had decided to give him a tiny glimpse of the outside world. / - this sentence started in past tenses, then went to present and back to past.
/"How I miss you," He mumbled in a regret-filled voice./ - 'he' requires no capitalization.
Just minor little things - nothing too distracting. All in all I enjoyed this and am looking forward to more.
| Edhla 12/15/12 . chapter 6
Ah, I was wondering when the Joker was going to show up. Fantastic.
You jave some lovely dialogue here, and I like the Twelve Days motif very much. I felt that you started really well, but that by the time you got to "Arkham was on full alert" and then down to "Bullets began to fly" you had started to tell rather than show. "He flung himself" is great, but I couldn't see the bullets thing, it came across as a little clinical and distant for an action scene.
The Joker is perfect, though, very in character, and that ending line was great.
"oblivious to the fact Joker..." I think you accidentally a word :p And here: "Bullets began to fly through the air causing Joker haul himself up and really pick up running speed." :)
| Rosawyn 12/15/12 . chapter 4
I like the details about the cats and rats at the beginning here, though I did think that the cat is probably long gone before the rats come out? Unless rats aren't afraid of cats. Which might be true. I'm not really all that familiar with big city rats. But it really sets the scene well, I think: the garbage, the rats, etc.
I found the description of Pamela's hair as "blood red" to be strange and a bit jarring. Is that really what colour it is sometimes? I'm used to seeing it more of a natural "ginger" type red.
'Harley began, Pamela rolled her eyes.' - looks like a comma splice to me. I think it would look better as 'Harley began and Pamela rolled her eyes' or 'Harley began as Pamela rolled her eyes.'
I really love the description of how Harley shops for booze. XD That is awesome. And hilarious. Of course it is also not very smart, but then Harley was never all that smart.
'"Afraid you'll end up fancying me?"' - You mean she doesn't already? :P
I was actually really impressed with Harley's comparison to Pamela's love for plants.
The ending was pretty cool. I would say that love doesn't need to make sense, but at the same time Harley is nuts. Of course, so in Pamela, but in a different way.
Overall this was certainly an entertaining and enjoyable read. :)
| ReadingBlueWolf 12/15/12 . chapter 3
I liked that you did the story of Zsasz this way. That was really neat. The ending was my favorite part. Great way to accomplish that too. I enjoyed the little details, like the knife glinting, and the dust filled box room. Those were really amazing. I also enjoyed that is what you chose to accompany the title milestone. I thought it fit perfectly and was well done. One sentence seemed a little odd to me: "to face a rusted a hospital bed" Maybe I wasn't reading it right though. This was amazing though. I enjoyed it! Great job!
| ballofstring66 12/15/12 . chapter 4
Love the description in the first paragraph. You really love your sleazy Gotham and it shows. :-)
I don't recognise these characters but didn't need to as their dysfunctional relationships are very well written. Pamela is being a little hypocritical about Harley's abusive boyfriend when Pam is less than gentle herself! :-)
I liked the last paragraph too it rounded it off well. Enjoyed this good job.
| The Death Frisbee 12/7/12 . chapter 1
Hey there. You've got a lot of good imagery here - I liked the prison description in particular, and the touch of brittleness with 'shatter.' For writing from a villain's perspective, you don't make this too dark to the point where it wouldn't feel in keeping with the holiday season, so you've achieved your aim there.
Your description of Victor is good and sparse, since you don't dwell on it for too long, which wouldn't work for the chilly atmosphere you're trying to evoke here. I also liked that his Christmas gift is being allowed to live normally - it's touching and poignant, but not oversold.
Grammatically, this needs a little work - see below. In particular, I'll note that clauses that have separate subjects and verbs need to be separated by commas, even with a conjunction.
Well done! Hope this is useful.
fast approaching, and the city's citizens - comma, and your pronoun has a remote antecedent (it implies 'Christmas' citizens,' not Gotham's, as unlikely as that is).
not that you ever see him - tense shift: not that you would have seen him
laugh about it. After all the - comma splice
crimes he had committed, someone
a punishment than a kindness - keep your articles consistent
in again - not without his suit, anyway - would punctuate thus, and 'without' is a compound word
prison, really. No difference
much to the guards' dissatisfaction - possessive
ice-blue - hyphenate
take a turn for the worse, and the snow and ice - thus
in between - no hyphen necessary
his face, and he'd feel
miss you," he mumbled - thus
snowflake - compound word
| ballofstring66 12/7/12 . chapter 3
Ooh er. Viscral, bloody and violent. I loved this.
ZsasZ is clearly a nutter - I know nothing about him so can't say if he is in character but you certainly painted a strong picture of an unhinged mind.
The screaming in euphoria and subsequent sentence particularly brought his mental instability alive. Merry Christmas indeed. :-)
| Edhla 12/7/12 . chapter 5
This was a lot of fun, in a sort of dark way. And yep, awkward indeed :p Not sure it's overly festive, exactly, but it's wintery and a nice moment and perfectly in line with your canon.
A few minor issues with sentence structure and some SPAG... the biggest one I can see is that your use of "whilst" would frequently be better replaced with a comma to make the action more immediate. For example, "Go to sleep," he ordered her softly, putting a gas mask over her mouth." Some other minor missing commas and suchlike. I am still working on your feedback in that respect 'cause I am the world's worst beta, sucks to be you ( ;) )
Once again, I particularly like your dialogue- it's brassy and fun, especially Catwoman's, and especially-especially because of how damn serious Batman is :p Well done!
| ReadingBlueWolf 12/6/12 . chapter 2
I love how Gordon stood up for Batman. I think that is amazing. I loved his dialog in this. It was just amazing. And the whole final speech about Gotham having her Dark Knight was the perfect ending. I like how you started out with a general topic of hot cocoa. I enjoyed him telling the two rookies his beliefs and showing them that Batman wasn't bad. This was a really nice thing to read, a great second day to the challenge, and really nicely written. Great job!
| Crow's Talon 12/6/12 . chapter 6
I liked Joker's sarcastic Christmas song at the beginning. He was in character and completely terrifying. This piece managed to be both dark and funny at the same time - I especially liked the ending with the helicopter. The description of the escape was tense, and I liked the way it tied in with the song - it definitely got across how crazy Joker is. There were a few minor mistakes: "Doctors" shouldn't be capitalized unless it's a title or at the beginning of the sentence.
| Crow's Talon 12/6/12 . chapter 5
This was actually very cute, in a dark way. The relationship between Catwoman and Batman was portrayed well here, especially the scene where Batman treats her wounded shoulder. I liked Catwoman's genuine surprise that Batman helped her, and also the scene where they embrace at the end. Their interactions were snippy and well-written. Aside from some minor capiralization errors - here's an example:
""My hero." She said groggily" should be "My hero," she said groggily. This makes the sentence smoother and means that there are fewer jarring points in the story. Other than that, great work.
| Rosawyn 12/6/12 . chapter 3
Well that was...really gross. XD Not a complaint, because I'm pretty sure it was intended to be gross. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I preferred the first two chapters of this fic to this one. The violent, bloody, knife-licking fantasies of a madman aren't really what I personally enjoy reading, no matter how well they might be written.
I consider myself at least a casual fan of Batman and DC comics in general, but I had never heard of Zsasz before this. A quick Google search proves that he is in fact a canon character, and it would seem you've written him as he appears in canon, so kudos for that.
And of course I have heard of Oswald Cobblepot, and seeing him through Zsasz's eyes here was a very unique perspective. I assume Zsasz to be quite the unreliable narrator, and those are always fun.
I'm not sure if you intended the reader to believe that Batman was actually dying here, but I personally didn't buy it - he's Batman; he's not going to just allow himself to be chained to a bed and stabbed to death. But of course it is just Zsasz's insane imaginings, and I guess we can't expect those to be realistic.
So I know I said I didn't really like this, but I can still appreciate that it is well done. The only grammar mistake I saw was in Zsasz's dialogue, "'So I stab him, it felt good, I was freeing this poor man,'" so I assume it's his mistake and not really a "mistake" as far as your writing goes.
I think it's great to have diversity in your writing, but at the same time I'm hoping for more "episodes" like the first two, just because I personally enjoyed them more, most especially the first one. I'm sure there are many people who would enjoy this one more, though. It's all a matter of personal preference.
| Edhla 12/6/12 . chapter 4
Another lovely little one-shot.
SPAG: "With a split lip and a broken nose." Other SPAG issues will be sent in the next couple of days when I have time. Much apologies for the delay :)
I like the repartee between Pamela and Harley- you're quite the script writer, it flows very well and shows character nicely.
I think perhaps those dialogue pieces could be improved with some striking imagery to go along with it- such as I've seen previously in this series. Then again, I am a world-class offender in this respect so probably don't just take my word for it :p
Characterisation seems fine to me, but my Batman-fu is very, very weak so if a bigger fan comes along, go with what they say :p
When you employ imagery you do it well, especially Pammy sitting on the half-rotten table in the dark. With the SPAG issues straightened, this is going to be freaking awesome. x
| Legendary Biologist 12/6/12 . chapter 3
Oh my, Zsasz is really scary! He scared me, especially his euphoric 'goodbye' and his last line. His dialogue sounds very realistic and evil too. As always, your description is awesome. There are some missing commas and minor spelling errors, but nothing is too serious. A reread can correct them all anyway! :)