|Reviews for Within The Same Sky|
| Lenchkumaximus 3/27/13 . chapter 24
I feel bad for Xion :(
| PooperScooper000 3/26/13 . chapter 23
This story... frightens me. Lol. Riku is a madman. xD Continue please, this story is so interesting!
| RadicalForbiddenPizzaRoll 1/18/13 . chapter 2
Though I've only finished reading the second chapter, I feel as though I don't have the ability to keep stop reading.
| Guest 12/27/12 . chapter 18
què bueno :D
| ZanderCross00 12/27/12 . chapter 18
Giving Riku Xehanort's eye... very very good.
| LockePhilote 12/19/12 . chapter 16
Sorry I took so long to review. I was making Christmas presents :)
Anyway, ... I'd say you nailed it. Riku realizing he's beautiful... good god that was perfect... it is bad that I laughed at that?
But I digress.
You made a really good start on ot : ) With time and practice, it will become more natural feeling, I promise. As it is now, I really like where you are going with it.
If you want to improve even further, as a next step try expressing how a character moves from both a characters POV and the third person omniscient POV of the narrator.
Ill say more in a message later. Things just got interesting here.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 13
as sick a bastard as he is, I am glad that you present him in a sympathetic (ish) light. Your maturity and empathy as a writer truly shines through here. Good job.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 15
... poor Roxas.
Did he honestly cut himself, I wonder? Or...
I'm hoping they were self inflicted, as the alternative is too horrible to imagine.
I feel for Roxas and I hope to see more of him.
You shortchanged yourself when it came to your description of this piece. While it does have flaws, which I will point out, rat bastard that I am, it also has its own power, its own honesty that I quite honestly enjoy. Good job : )
If you need a beta, I offer my services as a friend.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 14
I like this chapter. I truly do. However, it does have its flaws.
For starters, i wish that you could have shown things more clearly here. Everything is a slight bit muddled, as if you knew what you wanted to say detail wise, but had trouble puttint it onto the page.
Also, a couple of word choice things, though that is just me. Describing Roxas as speaking in an almost spooky manner... well, that is your naratorial choice, but I believe you could have rephrased it as to not break immersion, as up till that point I was fully immersed in your writing. After that, however, it picked right back up.
THe ending more than makes up for everything else. ... The poingnancy of that moment between Roxas and Xion almost brought me to tears, and I applaud you for refferencing and continuing to build upon the themes that you presented earlier in this work.
All in all, an excellent effort that shows room for improvement (though, don't we all?)
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 12
Xion... poor Xion : (
Again, great chapter. There is really nothing for me to critique, as the power and... well, truth of your writing shines through no matter what. Any literary polish i could suggest would just dilute the meaning you are giving this work.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 11
Perfection. This chapter is... perfection.
If you wrote more, I could do a litery analysis of the themes you present here. As it is now, the idea of the unadulterated, unfearful love of the child winning out over the cynicism of the older and wiser adults, despite the reality of the situation... that, right there, has some true power to it.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 9
... I only wish that there was someway I could help you with your pain (hugs)
If you ever need anyone to talk to... I'm always here.
And say what you will about this just being a crappy catharsis fic, because... this is more than that.
Honestly, you have found your voice as a writer here.
Just... don't go away, ok? I swear to god if you kill yourself I'll storm heaven myself to get you back.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 8
well that explains alot.
Now... what actually happened I wonder?
Did Riku attack Namine or was it Roxas?
... The beginning of this chapter suggests Roxas, but the ending suggests Riku.
And the ending... Xion no don't do it!
I hope Axel doesn't die...
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 7
... and the plot thickens. I'm beginning to love Axel's character. Now... I hope that Xion is becoming afraid of Riku.
I am honestly slightly confused about what happened to Namine and why Riku is on trial. A bit of clarification earlier on would have been helpful. Is he on trial for Namine's death, as I am assuming he is? If so, on what charges?
Revealing a bit more of what actually happened before this chapter would definitely have strengthened things. As it goes now, I can guess what is going on, but a bit more clarity on the actual details would have made this much more effective.
Also... Xion is adorable. I hope my daughter is as happy as she is.
| LockePhilote 12/16/12 . chapter 6
Why is he lying? And why is Axel a slut bastard? hmm...