|Reviews for Vanguard of Vengeance|
| Writingnoob101 5/19/13 . chapter 2
This chapter is...Dark, black and... Gloomy. This is a very good chapter. It is very hard to describe an environment like this, dark and blurry. Shepard is in the half-wake, half-sleep status and I cannot imagine how can I describe this situation. I found nothing wrong in this chapter and a little mystery about that last line. I'll stay tuned to see what is that "creature".
| Writingnoob101 5/10/13 . chapter 1
This chapter has a lot of actions and fighting. Looks like great alternate universe story. I can feel pressure from war surrounds me. Great job, I wish I can make good fanfic like you.
| Aeternix 5/4/13 . chapter 7
"…and one step closer to the return of the Reapers."
Another solid chapter in the continuing story of this AU universe. I love the way you starter this chapter off, right in the action, with a tense atmosphere. You weaves a thick atmosphere of tension and excitement, with an excellent array of varying sentence structures and words to create a visceral and exciting battle scene. I liked how you staged the scene too, with it being calm and tense, slowly building up until the first shot is fired. Respecting tension is imperative in an action scene and you completely use that to your advantage.
As well, the use of characters in the action scenes and the scenes of exposition were done really well. I am enjoying the air of urgency and the character's emotions in these moments. Nihlus is quickly becoming my favourite character, especially how he basically told off the Council and got Saren as a rogue Specter extremely quickly. These little changes, as well as the plot line, add interest to this plot and set the reader interested in how else it might change.
I am definetly looking forward to more.
| Guest 4/25/13 . chapter 6
"The thug was fast, especially with his wounds. But Shepard was leagues faster. She had drawn before the knife had left its sheath. Her blue plated boot crunched down on fingers half clasped around the handle, and her Devlon Stinger followed soon after. Another flash lit the clinic for the last time."
There is something interesting about the way you've crafted this. The way you are exploring this alternate universe is interesting as well as the different moments that you have decided to change. I like how you are starting with small changes, obviously leading into bigger ones later on. It's wonderouslt paced and allows the audience to form enough preconceived notions to be deeply involved and relaxed, just to hit them with a gut punch they were not expecting.
Notable, Nihlus is an interesting inclusion and I love that he has a big role in this. The way you d characterized him is interesting as you've taken a more progressive and, dare I say, paragon route to his character. Though I do love a good ol' fashion paragon, I would like to see the character indulge in some violence or at least let him show that he's not all good guy. By playing with these actions and dynamics, it allows the character to be more three dimensional and complete.
As well, at this current point Javik hasn't really been doing much in terms of plot. This is refreshing as you don't immediately start with the most obvious change in the timeline, again I refer back to the subtle changes. This works in your favour right now and I do love the extra attention the other characters get compared to him right at the beginning, however I urge you not to leave him too long in the shadows. Dragging out a huge plot thread for too long could end poorly.
Something I noted in this chapter, and previous ones as well, was the excellent description of the battle scenes. They were amazingly done with vibrant descriptions if each rattling shot and blow dealt on either side. I loved the style and writing if these scenes especially, I really think you have a knack for battle scenes.
Overall, this is an excellent chapter that introduced Garrus (such an amazing turian) and a quick, but very satisfying, battle in the clinic where Dr. Michel was captured. There are a lot of possibilities and there are some mysteries slowly being weaves through this story already. I can't wait to read more.
| ArchReaperN7 4/27/13 . chapter 2
This was really good. I felt strangely entranced in this chapter and couldn't stop reading; but what did this? I honestly can't point to what did it, but I'll guess it's the suspense of it. It leaves you wondering what is going on and whether you'll find out or not. Once again, still no description of the setting, but I guess I'll just lay off on that unless it's one of the latest chapters. So for now, I'll lay off on that. Later chapters though? Be weary...0.o
Overall, this gets 9/10 for being so damn suspenseful! To hell with it, 10/10. No description of the setting but I did say I'd let it slip, so what the hell...
| Full-Paragon 4/26/13 . chapter 12
Something fishy is definetly going on on Noveria. I like how Javik's still stomping about, but no one is taking him seriously any longer. Voice of a dead race he may be, but Javik is ill suited to being a diplomat.
| Phygmalion 4/25/13 . chapter 12
Wow, my own shout-out in the Author's Note?! Cool! ) Don't worry, this fic is easily exceeding my expectations - although whether that says more about your ability or my expectations is up for debate. ;)
I liked the LOTR shout-out, although I am curious as to how the guards were able to surprise Shepard and Co. Bleeding-edge stealth technology, combined with poor thermals from the blizzard?
You've got me curious, now, about Celebrian's significance. Does Galadriel Benezia? I could make a formula about that...
Great job, and looking forward to the next chapter!
| NonSolus 4/25/13 . chapter 12
I always find it nice when an author strives to give depth to the world, the background; it makes for a more full experience.
Now it is interesting that you have made Shepard more human; she has flaws and weaknesses, unlike so many other portrayals. Excellent work! It certainly adds to the reading when protagonists actually have some struggle; keeps the reader rooting for them.
I'm curious about whomever it was that owned Shep in groundfighting... some acquaintance from her past perhaps?
Also, Javik... always Javik... :D
| Dracconnis 4/25/13 . chapter 12
An excellent work
| ArchReaperN7 4/22/13 . chapter 1
I like this. I mean, I like it ALOT. There's a ton of descriptive language (which makes stories VERY immersive and increases flow of the story) and I like how you left a cliffhanger at the end of the chapter. Many people would say that cliffhangers are the bitch of fanfiction, but I like them. It keeps you hyped for the next chapter and gets your mind to circle around the ideas of what might happen next.
But there is still that bloody disease or infection that all fanfictions (or most) suffer from (I don't mean to be critical). IT'S CALLED THE DESCRIPTION OF THE SETTING. I know I can't exactly talk (My pre-prologue didn't involve alot of description, but that oversight was dealt with later on) but this really does kill immersion. You can't imagine the character if you don't know what the location looks like, and relying on a gamer's knowledge of the universe to imagine it is just plain lazy.
9/10. Still lacks that description of setting but add that and this story will become a gem worthy of 10/10. (I can see a Stephen king or Greg bear successor here)
| Aeternix 4/20/13 . chapter 5
"She smiled, remembering a time she and Kaidan had… She caught herself. She balled her fists and pushed the memories away."
So much emotion, so much pain right off the bat. There are some interesting forces at play here, and it makes this story very exciting to read. This chapter had a lot of character moments, these were beautifully done and realized for each character. Udina, for one, was really well done and I enjoyed the dialog you gave him (though I still do hate the snake). As well, Nihlus' actions and dialog were wonderful as you've convinced me that he is a progressive turian and that is something wonderful in such a divided galaxy.
Speaking of that, all dialog pertaining to the First Contact War was done really well and I must congratulate you on the foreshadowing and slow set up of these feelings and emotions to the climactic end with Saren dismissing Shepard (something that was really well done).
Though you nailed the dialog and pacing, I only spotted a few small errors in terms of grammar and spelling.
"'The SPECTRE, Nihlus, was assigned to your assessment. He will deliver the facts of your case for deliberation. Shepard turned" - There should be a quotation mark after 'deliberation'. As well, I'm confused as to why you put Spectre in full capitalization, it doesn't seem to fit that well and you would only do so if the word was an anagram, which I do not believe Spectre is in that case.
Overall a very emotional and fast paced chapter that I look forward to seeing more of. Great work.
| M-Angel 05 4/14/13 . chapter 11
Love ur story!
| Full-Paragon 4/13/13 . chapter 11
By far the best part of this chapter is the look at prothean life. It really enriches the experience and adds a lot of depth. This fic is very entertaining, and I look forward to reading more.
| Dracconnis 4/12/13 . chapter 11
| Mirari.Divinus 4/12/13 . chapter 3
Javik early? That's an interesting take. I wonder if, where you get Javik from is where the beacon was dug up.